Oath
by rippingbutterflywings
Summary: It's been over a year since Clary and Jace got together, and they're inseparable. They're the happiest they've ever been, and they wouldn't trade what they have for the world. However, as the school year comes to an end, the couple have to face a harsh change that might change the way they feel about each other. Will they be able to keep their promises? A/U.
1. This

_Hey, guys! So, I got the idea for this on the bus...and decided to write it. I don't know why, since I have lots of work and I'm on my last month of school, which means teachers try to make us work more than usual. It's almost one in the morning...sorry if there are any typos. Anyway, this is my new story, I guess. Hope you like it. :)_

_*I do not own The Mortal Instruments or anything written by Cassandra Clare*_

* * *

Clary looked down at her hand to inspect the pendant that she held tightly, as if she didn't want to let it go—which she didn't. The golden colors traced a pattern that only she would recognize, because she knew this pendant by heart. For months, she had looked at it and kissed it and every single night, it reminded her of him. It reminded her of kisses in the rain and long talks under the covers and running down a hill and watching him fall and catching him and burying each other in I love yous.

The doorbell rang, quickly followed by a text message from him. _I'm here, _it read, making her smile stupidly as if she hadn't gotten used to these messages. She slipped the pendant into a chain and, with it around her neck, right above her heart, she ran down the stairs to see him.

What he was wearing never really mattered, but it did that night: he wore a suit, with a white shirt and everything else black, which made his golden eyes and golden hair and sharp features stand out. He looked at her, and she didn't know what she felt—it was overwhelmingly wonderful and she couldn't catch her breath, because his lips were on hers before she could register what was happening, and he whispered that she looked beautiful.

Her mom came in then, offering to take pictures, telling Clary to pose certain ways and encouraging Jace to smile, even though he didn't smile for cameras much. That was the thing about Jace: he lived in the moment. He couldn't smile just because someone waved a camera in his face. He couldn't laugh at a joke that wasn't funny. He wasn't good at pretending all of the things that people only pretended to be liked—which, ironically, was the reason most people liked him.

Including Clary.

"Are you two ready to go?" Jocelyn, her mother, asked, smiling excitedly at the couple.

"Sure," she said with a smile. Looking at Jace, she asked, "Do you want something before we go?"

"Nah, I'm good." He smiled a real smile and Clary's mom said her goodbyes, and Clary snuck a glance at herself as she exited her house. She looked at her long, olive green dress, and thought of the way it made her hair, which was the color of fire, of the most beautiful sunset, stand out against its dark coloring.

"So," Clary said once the two were out of the house, "we're really going to the prom?"

Jace snorted. "Not if I have a say in it. But I don't. You might not wanna go now, Clary, but you'll want to some other time, and you don't get a second chance."

"Jace, I'm a sophomore," she reminded him. "I have two more chances. Let's do something fun instead."

"But how many sophomores get to say that they went to the prom?" He raised her eyebrows at her. His argument would be more convincing if _he _wanted to go to the prom, but from the moment it was announced he had admitted to her that he thought prom was a stupid, pointless event that would benefit absolutely no one and would bring no good to the world.

"Lots. Can we please do something else?"

He sighed. "If you insist."

She kissed his cheek. "I love you."

He grabbed her waist, gripping it tightly enough so that it felt like a comforting gesture and not like he was strangling her. "I love you more."

"So," Clary said, "I'm thinking that you should teach me how to drive."

"Now?" Jace asked, incredulous. They had been over this before: he didn't want to teach her. He was, indeed, a horrible teacher, and she got too distracted by the way his lips moved when he spoke and the way his words sounded like a wonderful melody. Needless to say, he wouldn't be able to teach, and she wouldn't be able to learn.

However, since they weren't going to follow the stupid tradition of prom that year, Clary wanted to do something new. Something they wouldn't usually do. She wanted to remember the night, but she didn't want to remember it the way some girls were, kissing boys while dancing with dimmed lights and drinking spiked punch. She wanted to remember the feeling of Jace's eyes on hers and the way his hands felt on her bare skin and she wanted to remember a thousand things, and she wanted to remember them in a thousand different ways.

And it wasn't that they couldn't kiss—if she wanted, he would take her somewhere and do whatever she wanted him to. But he knew, somehow, that she wanted a different kind of adventure.

"Do you have a better idea?" Clary asked him, meeting his eyes.

"I might," he told her with a wicked smile. "But you have to trust me."

"You're horrible," she said, sighed, and told him to lead the way.

He led her to a place where the stars shone bright and the moonlight lit up their faces. They didn't talk. They didn't even make noise. The only thing audible was the sound of their contempt breathing as they looked up at the sky and they counted the stars and she remembered how he had once said that there was a star for every thing he loved about her. She remembered how cheesy he had sounded, and how she didn't stop teasing him about it for days. Even now, six months after that, she would mock him when the subject came up.

But as they lay there, underneath the moon and the stars and the universe, as they thought about how they were miniscule in comparison to the world, to all of the wonderful, great things that existed, she remembered his words as she counted the stars like he counted the freckles that spilled from her nose to her cheekbones.

"Are you asleep?" His voice sounded far away, and she realized that she had been falling asleep.

"No," she said, looking up at him. He had an amused smile on his face.

"Do you wanna get going?"

"Nope," she said, positioning herself so that she was sitting on his lap. "I'm fine."

"Tease." His smile gave him away, and he kissed her nose and ran his hand through her hair. She smiled at him, at the way he treated her as if she was breakable. At the same time, however, he knew she could defend herself, and he didn't suffocate her with his worry and protectiveness. He let her be, and that was more than she could ask from anybody.

That was one of the reasons why she loved him.

When their lips met, it wasn't crazy and desperate. It wasn't the way people kiss when they've been apart. They kissed like they were all too familiar with the way their lips met—which they were—and like they knew the world was around them, but they just chose to ignore it—which they did—and like they could stop and resume and the world wouldn't fall apart. That wasn't to say that they didn't feel as if they had a whole new energy—they did. There were no words perfect enough to describe the way his hands felt as they touched her bare shoulders or the way he responded to her in general.

Their breathing was heavy when they pulled away. "Clary Fray," Jace said with a smile, "you take my breath away."

She playfully slapped his arm. "Jace Herondale, don't be a cheesy, lame boyfriend. Buy me some burgers."

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"It's more of a command, really."

"By the way, was the whole 'cheesy' thing a pun?"

"Only," she said with a grin, "if I order a cheeseburger."

"You're ridiculous."

"You love me."

"That's debatable." He smirked.

"Asshole."

"Come on," he said, standing up and holding the door open for her. "Let's go get food." He had a smile on his face that he could not shake off, she noticed, soon enough smiling despite herself.

"Are you getting me home anytime soon?" she asked, and they both knew that she was in no hurry to go home. "It's almost midnight."

"Don't make me crack a stupid Cinderella joke," he said. "Seriously, it'll be bad."

"Catastrophic, one might say," Clary added with a half smile. "I'm actually kind of craving a cheeseburger now. Damn you, Jace Herondale."

"And by damn, you mean fuck. And I completely okay with that."

"You're way inappropriate," she said, trying not to smile. It was something that took some time getting used to at the beginning, but his inappropriateness was part of what made him who he was, and she couldn't phantom not loving him the way she did, inappropriate jokes included.

"Are we taking this to go?" he asked, still scanning his menu.

"Yep," Clary replied easily, still exploring her options. She was thinking about whether or not to order fries instead of her beloved onion rings. "My mom will kill me if I'm not home by ten. Can you order fries? I wanna have some."

"Only if I can have some of your onion rings."

"We have a deal."

After the two ordered their food, they made their way back to her house. It hadn't been a night with an adventure beyond her wildest dreams, really. Nothing extraordinary happened in a way that can be noticeable if she retold the events of that night to one of her friends. To her, however, what happened had been one of the best nights of her life. She had to clean off bits of grass from her dress, and she had to look exhausted, like she had danced all night long with her three inch heels making her life miserable. It was fun, pretending.

But remembering the way her heart felt like it was seconds away from bursting—that was what she went back to in her mind.

After Jace walked her to her doorstep and kissed her goodnight, Clary's mother opened the door and made small talk with him. Soon enough, he was gone, and Clary's mom was drowning her in questions about dance and how people were dressed and whether or not it was anything like _her _prom, which she had shown videos of to Clary in order to prepare her for the event.

She didn't have the heart or the energy to tell her mom that she ditched prom, so she faked smiles and gave her information that she knew because she had friends in the prom committee. When her mother finally acknowledged that Clary was exhausted, Jocelyn bid her daughter goodnight and went to bed.

Clary, with a stupid smile on her face that wouldn't go away, went into her room and sighed, leaning against the closed door like people did in movies. That rush, that feeling of excitement and happiness that came from being with him never went away. She took the pendant, the one hovering over her heart, the one Jace gave to her on their six month anniversary, when he told her he loved her and he didn't want her to let go, and squeezed it.

* * *

_Hey again! So...did you like it? Did you hate it? Leave a review and tell me what you think!_

_Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for helping me choose a title even though we're both brain dead at the moment. Congratulations on officially(ish) being a senior! Be happy about it. xx_

_Thank you to all of you for reading. I won't be updating this as frequently as I would if I wasn't in school, but I'll do my best to get the next chapter up soon._

_:)_


	2. Irresistible

_Hey, guys! First of all, thank you so much to all of you who are reading this story. It means a lot to me! Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for telling me to do stuff until inspiration struck (it worked). Anywayyy, I hope you like this! It's kind of a filler chapter-the "big" stuff will happen in the next one._

* * *

_It makes your lips so kissable,  
And your kiss unmissable,  
Your fingertips so touchable,  
And your eyes...irresistible._

* * *

The feeling of something light hitting the side of her head woke Clary up instantly.

She glared at the golden-haired boy sitting cross-legged in front of her with a devilish smile. He was looking at her with an amused expression on his face, as if he had been planning this moment for a while.

"As adorable as you look while you sleep," Jace said, "I believe we have five chapters left to study."

"Crap," Clary muttered. Without hesitation, though, she picked up the balled up piece of paper and threw it at his head. "You're a horrible person, Jace Herondale."

"I'm not the one making you study," he replied to her with an innocent look on his face. "In fact, if I recall, _you _asked _me _to come and help you get through history."

She groaned. "I know, but I'm _tired._" She looked at him with a pout. "Can we please take a break?"

"You were asleep for thirty minutes," he reminded her.

"Fine." She kept on pouting as she picked up her notecards along with her textbook. Who wanted to learn about Stalin, anyway?

"You know what? A five minute break won't hurt anyone." In a second, Jace's face was inches away from hers, and she didn't hesitate, pressing their lips together in an instant. It didn't help that they were on her bed, of course, and that they didn't want to go back to what they were doing before.

She smiled against his mouth when he touched her bare skin. They were both lying down already, trying to get close enough so that there was no space between them. As much as Clary would have loved to continue making out with her boyfriend, she had to pass her exams. Of course, they were in a week, but she had six of them. Six!

"Jace," she said, though it sounded more like a moan, "we have to study."

He sighed and propped himself up. "Right."

"We can do this later, though." She wished she could wink at that moment, but he did it for her.

"Whatever you want, babe."

"Are you okay?" She looked at him worriedly.

"Yeah, I just—I'll be right back."

She realized to soon what was going on and nodded, trying not to smile. She bit her lip. And her tongue. As he walked away, she noticed that she was blushing furiously. She tried to calm herself down by re-reading some of her history notes. By the time he was back, her cheeks weren't as red and she had gained more knowledge than she previously had about Stalin and Russia in the early 1900s.

"Better?" she asked him with a smirk.

"Shut up," he said. "Hey—"

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a soft knock on the door. Jocelyn entered without waiting for either of them to say anything. She had grocery bags on her hands, and she was panting. "Could you two please help me with the groceries?" She was visibly struggling.

Jace jumped up immediately and grabbed most of the ones she was carrying, while Clary, raking a hand through her hair, said that she would be getting the rest of the bags from the car. Jace mumbled something back about going to help her sometime, but she could tell it wouldn't happen as he and her mother began having a somewhat light conversation, from what she could tell.

The brown bags were heavy, as was expected—Jocelyn loved to cook. Clary took three of the bags all at once, stumbling into the kitchen, her back already hurting. Meanwhile, she could see her mother and boyfriend having an interesting conversation. They were half-whispering, as if keeping quiet would distract Clary from the fact that they weren't helping.

"Jace," Clary said, setting the bags down and panting. "Help me, or I'm kicking you out."

He sighed. "So much for getting out of that." He smiled at her mom and planted a kiss on Clary's forehead. As they walked out of the house, he said, "I think your mom needs to talk to you about something."

She frowned, picking up a bag. "What makes you say that?"

"She's really serious today. And Luke is out on a business trip, which means all of this food is for all of you. And she's making brownies," Jace added, and they both knew that those were Clary's all time favorites. She didn't want to question her mother's random act of kindness, but at the same time, the question of whether or not there was an ulterior motive to this lurked in the back of her head.

"It can't be too serious, I hope." At that, their conversation died, because they reentered the house. Clary's mom excused herself and said she would get the rest of the bags.

Clary sat on the counter, and Jace leaned into her, giving her a kiss. Her legs were wrapped around his waist. She loved it when life surprised her with perfect moments with him. Although they had a normal relationship, and they were happy, and they had their fights, and they were in love, there was also stress, and there was school, and her art classes after school. At that moment, she was happy to just have him there, his lips against hers.

And then Jocelyn cleared her throat.

Clary turned the same color as her hair. "Sorry, Mom."

"Don't apologize," her mother said with a smile.

"I have to go, Clary," he said to her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Why?" She pouted.

"I'm having dinner with my parents today before my dad goes to Europe for three weeks," he replied, kissing her once more and helping her hop off the counter. "Thanks for having me over, Jocelyn." Clary's mom hugged Jace and said it was no problem.

"I'll walk you out," Clary said. As the two walked towards the front door, hands linked, she asked, "Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"More studying? Hell yeah," he said, grinning. He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead, her cheek, and then her lips. "I love you, Clary. Stay out of trouble."

"I can't promise anything," she said with a laugh. "And I love you too, Herondale." She couldn't help but smile as he smiled and jogged over to his car.

Once he was out of sight, she closed the door and walked over to the kitchen. Jocelyn was beginning to chop some vegetables and Clary didn't even want to know what her mother was going to try.

"I'll be upstairs, Mom. Yell when dinner's ready." Clary kissed her mom's cheek and ran up the stairs. She tried to take more notes on the new history chapter, but she couldn't focus—what if Jace was right? What if her mom had something important to say? What would it be?

She began to look at the clock and count down the seconds until dinner would be ready. It was ridiculous; she didn't even know what her mom was making, or how long it would take to make. She still counted, and sent texts to Jace, asking how his night was going, and he replied that his parents were driving him insane, with his mom nearly in tears and his dad telling him that he couldn't let his grades go down, especially not with finals approaching.

"Clary!" Jocelyn yelled, and she stopped typing midsentence. "Dinner's ready!"

"Coming!" Clary yelled, finished her message, and ran down the stairs.

The food smelled delicious, of course—her mom quickly told her that she had made Clary's favorite homemade chicken lasagna, along with a homemade salad and brownies baked from scratch.

Something was definitely up.

Still, Clary let her mom serve her dinner, and they both sat down on the table and ate. Her mom took out the brownies a minute after they sat down. She came back, saying that it'd take them a while to cool down.

"So," Clary said, toying around with her food. "What's up with my favorites being served all in one night?"

Jocelyn sighed, resigned. "I've been trying to put off telling you for a while."

She raised her eyebrows. "Tell me what, Mom?"

"Clary," said Jocelyn, setting her fork and knife down, "we need to talk."

* * *

_The song at the beginning (the quote thing) is Irresistible by One Direction. (Just in case you were wondering.)_

_I just wanna say that I won't be updating as often anymore because I have finals coming up, along with a bunch of other stuff, and I have to get my grades up. After June 13, though, expect more frequent updates. (I think.) Thank you once again to all of you reading! Leave a review telling me what you think. :))_


	3. In My Veins

_Hey, guys! So, this update came fairly soon because I didn't have a lot of work to do today. However, these next two weeks will be horrible for me, because I have exams and some of my grades still need to go up. Anyway, this chapter was...hard to write. I tried to find an excuse not to write it, but I ended up writing this. So. I'm tired, so I haven't read over it. I apologize in advance for any mistakes that this chapter might have._

_Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for no apparent reason. Also, thanks to all of you who take time to read this. Yep, that's it. Enjoy! xx_

* * *

_all that you rely on,  
and all that you can face,  
will leave you in the morning,  
come find you in the day._

* * *

Clary didn't know what to tell him.

Hell, she didn't know what to tell herself! She didn't know whether this was the end of the world or whether there was still something she could do to keep her life intact, to keep it just the way it was.

Deep down, she knew the answer to that. She knew that nothing could be done to save the life that she had built so far from home. But she didn't know how to tell him.

She couldn't be casual about it, because she couldn't be casual about simple, mundane things, let alone something so huge that it could—no, it _would—_change their relationship. She couldn't be too sad, because he would be absolutely devastated to see her that way in the first place, and she had to be strong, but she couldn't be strong, because this was tearing her apart.

She didn't want to be a melodramatic teenage girl, thinking about every little thing like it was the end of the world. That would be stupid of her. And yet—this was the end of her world. The rest of the world and the billions of people all over didn't matter to her, and it was selfish and she hated every second that went by with her feeling that way. However, she wanted her world. She wanted to keep it safe, to keep it in a box made out of glass where people could observe it from a distance without touching it or making any changes.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Someone had messed up a part of her life that she didn't want to be played with, and now she had to deal with the consequences. She had to tell Jace, even though she didn't want to. She didn't know how she would put everything she felt and everything that was going to happen into words.

But she could try.

She bit her lip as her phone showed her Jace's message. _I'm here, _it said, and she wanted to cry. She wanted to do anything except tell him.

She heard Jocelyn greet him, telling him that Clary was upstairs. She hated having to hear her voice. It was unfair to her, and Clary knew that her mother was just doing the best she could to keep them together, but sometimes that meant keeping other people apart.

"Hey," Jace said, opening her door without knocking. She usually hated that, but this time she didn't mind. She got up from her bed and ran into his open arms, and she tried hard not to cry, but all she could do was grip him tightly and feel his arms wrapped around her.

"Clary," he said slowly, "what's wrong?"

She knew she should have let go of him, but she couldn't. All she could do was grip him harder and hope that he wouldn't protest. She knew that not knowing must have been killing him, but she didn't want to let go. She never wanted to let go.

"Clary," he repeated, as if saying her name would calm her down, would bring her back to him. He closed the door and, then, she slowly let go of him, tears falling from her eyes, even as she tried to stop them.

"You know I love you, right?" She didn't need him to answer that, but she wanted to hear it. She wanted him to know that she loved him, and that this was killing her. "I love you so much, Jace. I can't say it enough."

"You're scaring me," he said, interrupting her. "What's going on?"

"You were right," she said to him. "My mom had to tell me something, and it was just as big and bad as you probably thought it would be, and I'm sorry." Her voice broke. She wasn't only crying because of him, of course. She was crying because saying it out loud meant it was really happening. She had to do this.

"What is it? You can tell me anything, Clary," Jace said.

Clary nodded. "I know." She sat down next to him on the bed, her hands pulling at her sleeves so they covered her hands. "Moving here from New York—it wasn't easy, Jace. In fact, it was probably the hardest thing I'd ever done. I had to leave Izzy and Simon, and they were everything, you know?" She sniffed. "And when I got here, I met you. And you were an asshole, and I hated you, and now I love you. It's that simple. I love you, and I don't love you in the same way that I loved Izzy and Simon, but it's like the love I had for them—it can't even compare to the one I have for you. You make me the happiest girl in the whole world, Herondale."

He knew. Just like that, he knew. And she didn't know how he knew, but she could see it in his eyes, in the way they looked at her, waiting for her to finish, but with a kind of understanding that comes from inferring all the right things. And there was pain. The kind of pain she felt on the inside.

"I'm moving, Jace. I'm going back to New York."

They'd been sitting in the park for two hours.

They hadn't said anything. They just held hands and thought and watched as the children ran around, some clinging to their friends, and others to their parents. They chased each other and smiled and laughed and the sound of their happiness was like music to Clary and Jace, because even though the two were miserable enough to stay quiet, to not smile or try to enjoy their last few weeks with each other, the fact that there were people who could go about without worries, living in ignorance—that fascinated them.

"Isn't there any way that you can stay?" Jace asked. It was the first thing he'd said to her in two hours, and every part of it—the way he said it, the way his voice was moments away from breaking, the way he sounded like the words were a sort of hope he was holding on to—broke her heart.

"If there was a way, I would've found it. After I found out, I thought of everything. I wrote down a list and went through it and called people and I tried to convince Jocelyn that it would be good, but she insists that I have to let it go." Clary couldn't bear to call her mom by her first name; she was too disappointed at life and at the way her mother betrayed her to bother with the kind of term that is associated with love and kindness. "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

Jace noticed that she was on the verge of tears. Something inside of him twisted, and he turned around so that they would be facing each other. He looked at her, and he got close enough so their foreheads touched, and he could feel her breathing quicken. She was about to break. She was so, so close.

"Listen to me, Clary," he said, his expression one of determination. "You might be moving to the other side of the country, but I am _not _going to break up with you. I'm not gonna stop loving you either. Okay?"

She didn't reply. She couldn't say anything, really. He was too close to her and he knew what she was feeling, and she couldn't open her mouth and form articulate sentences when she could barely breathe. Her heart felt heavy, like every single beat was a struggle.

He continued speaking. "I love you, and I always will. So don't worry about me not loving you, and don't worry about the distance, because in one year I'll be there. I'll apply to a college nearby, and we can see each other much more often. I'll visit you whenever I can, and I—we'll make this work. I know we will."

And now he was crying, with the tears forming circles on Clary's light jeans. She knew he was suffering, but she just couldn't bring herself to face him. She couldn't see him and everything he felt—she'd start crying again.

"I believe you," she said, trying to get the words out. "I love you too, Jace, but it's not gonna be the same."

"I know that, Clary. But we both know that our relationship isn't just about physically being there for each other."

She finally faced him. She tried not to stare into his sad golden eyes, but opted to give him a hug instead. She held onto him tightly.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Herondale." She buried her face in the crook of his neck. "So freaking much."

"It'll be okay," he said, even though they were both aware that a year had to pass for them to live near each other again, and that Jace would have to get accepted into a college in New York, and it was all really messy, but they weren't going to give up. They couldn't.

"We can do this," Clary said. "I know we can. We just have to keep annoying each other and that'll get the conversation going."

He laughed, and the feeling of him being genuinely okay for the first time in what felt like forever, though it had only been a few hours, made her smile. "I'm gonna find all kinds of things to keep you thinking about me, Fray."

She pulled away and looked at him. "I'm always thinking about you, Herondale. It's mostly not good, but I still do."

He placed his hand over his heart. "I'm touched."

"Yeah, yeah." She stood up. Held her hands out to him. "Do you wanna take a walk?"

"Let me think about it for a second," he said, looking pensive for less than a second. He grinned. "I'm honored."

And, just for a while, they could forget. They could pretend like they were going to be side by side for the longest time, and they could pretend like going out for ice cream would be their thing for years, even though, in reality, this would be one of the last times they would do this. They'd have to wait another year. But there were other things to worry about, and they just wanted to have a few moments to forget about the sadness and the change. As always, they focused on each other.

"Shut up, Jace, you're buying me ice cream on the way back home."

* * *

_So, that happened._

_The song at the beginning (in between the AN and the chapter) is In My Veins by Andrew Belle, which I adore with all of my heart and soul. Anyway, let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thank you for reading. :)_


	4. May I

_Hey, guys! Sorry for the wait. I had finals and stuff, and then I just slept for about three days, waking up to watch movies and stuff. Now that I'm back to writing and stuff, here's the next chapter! It took me about two weeks to write it. I don't know why, because my favorite part was the part that I wrote the fastest. Anyway, I hope you like it! Let me know what you think!_

_Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for the compliments and the pride when I passed math. :') xx_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_May I hold you as you fall to sleep  
When the world is closing in  
And you can't breathe here  
May I love you, may I be your shield  
When no one can be found  
May I lay you down_

* * *

If there was one thing Clary despised about having to move—aside from the change it would bring to her relationship status—it was the amount of boxes that needed packing.

They were set to move in July, but her mom insisted that they had to send everything three weeks ahead of time so that Luke, who would be going to New York at the same time their boxes got there, could get everything settled. And so Clary spent the first two weeks of her summer vacation packing boxes and staying out until late with Jace.

They hadn't really fully come to terms with the fact that she was leaving. They both thought that it would be easy—as if they were both on massively extended summer vacations. They'd talk and the distance in between them wouldn't do anything because it was just a physical thing keeping them apart for a certain amount of time. It was no big deal.

"Can you pass me the tape?" Clary asked Jace, glad that she was almost done with packing. It was insane, the amount of boxes that she had to fill up. And if she had been happy to move, it would've been a hell of a lot easier to pack up her things and walk away.

"Do you wanna come over later? Mom's making dinner, and you know she loves having you over." Jace passed Clary the tape and continued to work on his box.

"That'd be amazing," she replied. She was going to miss Celine, Jace's mom. She was really sweet and polite and she and Clary got along perfectly.

At the beginning, Celine thought that Clary was just going to come and go, as Jace's girlfriends often did. But when she was around for months, and those months turned into a year, and the time kept going by, they became close. Jace had told his mother about Clary leaving, and he said it broke her heart.

Well, she wasn't the only heartbroken one.

"In that case," Jace said, "I have to go. She'll want me to help her make dinner and stuff." He gave her a kiss. "I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Mhmm," she said, pressing their lips together once again. "See you later." As he walked out of the room, Clary ran up to him and quickly slapped his ass. He didn't even react. He chose to turn around and wink, making her laugh. She shook her head as he made her way down the stairs.

Her phone rang. It was Jace. She frowned, watching from her window as he made his way into his car. She picked up the phone. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

She laughed as she noticed him watching. "Go away."

"You're rude. See you tonight," he said. "Wear something pretty."

"Don't I always?" She smirked and stuck her tongue out at him. "Hey, maybe I can ask my mom if I can stay over at your place. She's being quite lenient since she's fully aware that she's making my life miserable."

"My mom wouldn't be opposed to that idea, especially with my dad being gone." He winked at her. She could barely tell, because he was all the way downstairs and the window was dirty, but she knew him far too well. "Let me know about your mom. Love you."

"Love you too, Herondale. I'll text you."

"Go pack your boxes, woman."

They hung up laughing at each other. She watched as he drove away. It was still weird to think that she wouldn't be living so close to him in a few weeks. She could count them with one hand.

Clary walked to her mother's room, where she was packing her boxes. Jocelyn was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, drinking water with three ice cubes that were quickly melting into a puddle of nothingness.

"Hey, Mom," Clary said, sitting cross-legged on the floor with her. She played with her shirt awkwardly, pretending that there was a loose string. She didn't want to meet her mother's eyes. "Can I stay over at Jace's house today?"

"Will his parents be there?" her mom asked, and she was surprise that she hadn't said no. Despite what she had told Jace, Jocelyn was still quite strict—they both knew that—so she hadn't known what to expect.

"His mom will be. His dad's on a business trip in Europe," Clary said, her tone becoming more casual.

"Then yeah, I suppose you can go. But be home by noon tomorrow, because we have to keep packing."

She threw her arms around her mother, and a bit of cold water was spilled, but neither of them really seemed to care. "Thanks."

"Have fun," Jocelyn said. "But not too much fun."

Clary ignored her mother's remark, though it did make her blush. She texted Jace quickly, letting him know that her mother had said yes, and he texted with a smiley face, which made her think that his mom said yes as well.

Clary had left behind some of her clothes, the ones that she wouldn't send to New York because, obviously, she had to wear something. She took out a light purple summer dress and slipped it on, brushing her hair while she ran a list in her mind of the things she needed to pack.

It wasn't as if she was a virgin. She had sex with Jace in her house when her mom was at a business dinner with Luke. It was messy and quick and yet it somehow managed to not suck, which was something she was happy about, although when it was over she didn't know what to do with herself and with Jace, because no movies had ever prepared her for the awkwardness of the ending of her first time.

It got better as time went on. They had opportunities due to the fact that their parents were busy and Luke had a big, old truck (or did, anyway, before he sold it a month before Clary found out she was moving) and they were willing to try. And so the awkwardness was less until there was none at all.

She didn't think they would have sex during the night, though, because Celine would be there and it would obviously not be a good idea, but she got up early every day to go to work and Jace and Clary wouldn't wake up until a time close to noon, and his mom would be out at a business lunch and they could do whatever and they _would _do whatever because they knew that they didn't have forever to spend time together.

When her phone lit up with Jace's message announcing that he had arrived, she smiled despite herself in a giddy, nervous way and took her bag. She walked over to her mom's room and saw her busy at work, taping boxes and packing things as she admired the way they looked on a table or a shelf. "Mom, I'm out."

"Bye, Clary," she said without looking up. "Have fun."

"Thanks," Clary mumbled, making her way out of the house.

"You look beautiful," Jace said, admiring her pinned-back curly hair that was, for once, working in the way she wanted it to. He also admired the way her dress looked on her. She always complained about how dresses didn't look good on her because she was too short to pull them off, but he loved seeing her in dresses and skirts as much as he liked seeing her in pants and shorts.

She blushed. "Let's get going, then." She kissed his cheek and walked over to the other side of his car.

"My mom's really bummed about you leaving," Jace said as he started the car, and she noticed that his hands tightened at the mention of her departure. He hated it as much as anyone did, really, but the way his mother felt couldn't even begin to cover half of the way he felt.

"I'm gonna miss her, too. She's better than my own mom sometimes," Clary said with a smile. She was lucky—so many girls in her school had to put up with their boyfriends' mothers, and Clary always heard them talking about how their moms were just the _biggest _bitches.

Celine was a sweetheart. Clary knew it from the moment she met Jace's mom, when she was all nervous and shaky and could barely speak without making a fool of herself. Celine was all smiles and kind words and she made the process ten thousand times easier.

However, the same could not be said about Jace's father, but that was a different story.

Celine greeted the two at the entrance of their house. "Hi, Clary!" She pulled the redhead into a hug. "How are you doing?"

"You know, same old." She laughed, but they both knew that it was a lie. "How about you?"

"Well, you know, I've been better, what with you leaving and my husband being away all the time." Her polite smile that was just slightly forced made Clary realize how badly this was all affecting her. She wasn't happy herself, with her husband absent most of the time, and the only thing she relied on was her son being happy. And now, with Clary being gone, her son wouldn't be. Clary wanted to tell Celine that Jace was going to act up. That he was going to be hateful. That he was going to be broken, because she was the one he went to when things got bad, and he didn't dare go to anyone else. And she wanted to tell Celine that she shouldn't give up on him, because, God, it would go away.

It killed Clary to admit it, but she was just a person in a sea of billions of other people with greater understanding of the pain that Jace was going through. She always tried to stop herself from thinking that he might move on, but it was always a thought that she kept tucked away and pulled out like an old, barely-read letter.

"What's for dinner?" Jace asked, taking Clary's hand firmly in his and walking inside, leaving her with no choice but to follow. It was his way of saying that the subject wasn't going to resurface.

And that was that.

It was the way her back hit the bed and its softness and it was how she noticed that she was still breathing and the way that Jace made her heart race and the way he touched her as if she was precious and how he looked at her and made her want to never let go and he held her like forever would never be enough. It reminded her of the first time, when they stumbled and giggled and laughed and cried and fell in love as the night went on.

She was an idiot for wanting more, and yet she couldn't stop herself from tugging at his shirt, making it go up, up, up, until he was shirtless and helping her out of her shirt, and then they were naked, bodies pressed against each other, and they looked into each other's eyes, not speaking and managing to communicate in some strange, nonsensical way. And he told her he loved her without speaking, and she said the same while their eyes met once again.

And there was no space.

There wasn't an inch of him that wasn't hers and vice versa, and they knew how to move without breaking that bond, which was now a sort of promise. It said that they would never be apart, no matter the distance, and no matter how difficult this would be, they'd always have this. The memories. The longing and the anticipation for more moments like this, where he touched her and she felt like she was on fire, and were they both breathed hard and smiled at each other wordlessly.

They never spoke. Not even once.

Because words were never really what they needed, not at the time. They needed to be close and intimate and to touch and to feel and to love in all the ways that were possible, because they were both so scared that they wouldn't be able to anymore.

* * *

_The song between the A/N and the chapter is "May I" by Trading Yesterday. :) Leave a review telling me what you think! xxx_


	5. A Drop In The Ocean

_Hey, guys! I'm updating really soon because, as it turns out, staying past two in the morning gives you inspiration to write an entire chapter. It's not a very *big* chapter, but...oh well. Anyway, I hope you like it. Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed so far. :)_

* * *

_a drop in the ocean_  
_a change in the weather_  
_i was praying that you and me _ _might end up together  
_ _it's like wishing for rain as i stand in the desert_  
_but i'm holding you closer than most  
_ _'cause you are my heaven_

* * *

She didn't think that the day would come so soon.

Clary liked it when things fell into place. When she couldn't pinpoint a specific time or date for something wonderful. She liked it when people asked when she fell in love, because she could answer that it she realized it in May twenty-first, when her first year at the new school came to an end, and her and Jace sat outside, soaking up the sun and drinking sodas, and he held her hand and made her skin feel warm and she just _knew _that there was no name for it that wasn't love.

The crazy thing was, she had been in love all along. She kept obsessing, trying to figure out exactly _when _she fell in love, but she gave it up and realized that it didn't really matter. She would always remember May twenty-first, though. The day she realized that all of those late nights kissing Jace against her house's walls as he tried to stay with her a few seconds longer, her back against the wooden door and their lips pressed together, meant that they were desperately in love.

Ever since then, she didn't like specifics. She had never been a huge fan of them, but she always figured that falling in love would be something that she would notice right away, something with a date and an hour and a very specific warning. But there was no warning. There was the sound of crickets singing into the night as she tugged at Jace's hair to bring him closer, to pull him in for one last kiss before she had to say goodnight.

And there it was. The second day of July, she packed up the last of her things into a tiny suitcase, which she then placed inside her mom's car. They weren't set to leave for another half hour, but she asked Jace to meet her before she left.

He wore a white t-shirt and some worn out jeans. He didn't look like he had slept very well, but then again, neither had she. She told her mom that she would be back, and then she took his hand and shoved her phone into the pocket of her hoodie. There was no point in getting dressed up for such a long car drive, even though the sun made wearing a jacket feel unbearable.

"I'll talk to you the whole way there," he said, surprising Clary. She hadn't expected him to say anything. "Just so you won't get bored, and just so you won't miss me." _Just so I won't miss you, _was what he wanted to say, and she knew that all too well. "I'll stay up with you. And hey," he said, stopping and turning to look at her, "promise me that you won't cry."

"Of course I'm gonna cry," she said, pressing her face against his shirt. "But not yet." She felt like she would, though. She couldn't swallow without her throat aching, as if she had been screaming and screaming for ten minutes straight without taking breaths in between, or as if she'd been laughing for fifteen minutes, making it hard for her to breathe.

But, in reality, she felt so much pain that it made her throat burn.

"If you cry, then I'll cry, and you don't wanna see me cry, Clary." His voice was soft against her ear, as if he were whispering. "We can cry later. Over the phone, or over Skype, but not right now. I wanna remember you smiling."

"You're talking like I'm gonna die, Jace," she said. "Which I'm not, so calm down. And I'll try my best not to cry, but no promises."

"I know it's hard," he said, wrapping his arm around her to bring her closer to him. "Trust me, I do, because I don't think you have a clue as to how much this hurts me. You're leaving a whole town and people you love, and that's horrible, Clary, but the most important person in my life is going to be meeting new people. You don't have to worry about me knowing anyone else, because I don't. I know everyone in this town, and you're moving to New York, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it."

"And you don't have to worry, either." Clary took a deep breath. "I love you, Jace. I don't care if New York is packed with the most attractive guys to ever breathe, but they're not you. I don't care if I meet a million interesting people, because they won't be nearly as interesting as you. And I'm scared, okay? I'm not good with people, and I'm not good with saying goodbye, and I don't know how to deal with there being a bunch of states between us, but I know that you're the best guy I know, Jace Herondale, and there is no way that I'd ever talk this much for someone who doesn't matter." She gave him a weak smile and a kiss on the cheek, and he didn't say anything.

He just kissed her. He gave her a kiss and pressed his forehead against hers and his eyes said everything that his mouth couldn't.

"I have to go," she said, and she hated saying it, but it was the truth. The thing was, she wanted there to be a separate truth from the reality that she had to accept, but there was no way that could happen. So Jace held her hand on the way back, and he said goodbye and promised to keep her busy on her ride to her new home, and they kissed like they would kiss when it was late and she was sneaking into her house for the first time.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too, Herondale," she said, kissing his cheek. And his lips. Because she realized that it would be too long until she got to do it again, and she didn't want to let go, but she had to.

She climbed into her mother's car. Jocelyn didn't say anything, but she looked at her daughter with a worried expression. Clary chose to ride in the backseat so she could lie down and not look at her mother. It was unreasonable to be angry at her, and yet…she couldn't help it. She loved her life, and now it wasn't her life anymore.

Jace waved at her. That was all she could see, because her eyes were a pool of tears, and they swam until they fell. And he saw. God, he saw, and she saw him notice, and it broke her heart. She looked at him until he was no longer in sight, and then she held back her tears. She didn't wanna make any noise, even though she could feel her heart breaking, and she could feel the burning in her throat and in her chest.

Her phone lit up. One new message from Jace. _Hey. I love you. It's okay. Don't cry, Clary._

I want to stay,

she sent, trying not to cry despite the ache and the pain and the tears that threatened to fall.

_I'd give anything for you to stay, Clary, but you have to go. And you're gonna have fun. Don't cry, though. Do it for me._

His message broke her heart, because it was obvious that he was trying so hard. So, so hard. He was trying to keep his shit together for her, and it wasn't working.

She had to retype her message a million times, because the stupid tears wouldn't go away, so her screen was blurry. _I'm gonna sleep for a while, okay? I kind of have a headache. I'll text you when I'm up, love you xxx._

She didn't check her phone for messages again. She couldn't.

Clary thought she could say goodbye. She thought that, if she told herself that she was going to make it work, and that she wasn't going to miss him that much, then it would be easier than if she cried herself to sleep. But she couldn't say goodbye, because when she did, she was saying goodbye to having someone who would hold her and give her painkillers when she had a headache and talk to her when she had nightmares and walk her to classes and kiss her underneath the moonlight while crickets sang into the night.

She wore the necklace with Jace's pendant every day, and that day was no exception. She squeezed it tight, put on headphones, played some music, and fell asleep. There were no tears involved.

She couldn't let there be.

* * *

_The song at the beginning is "A Drop in the Ocean" by Ron Pope. :) Leave a review telling me what you think!_

_Also, from the next chapter on, Jace's point of view will be added to the story. xx_


	6. Proof

_Hey, guys! Here's the next chapter (obviously) which I wrote last night at, like, three in the morning. Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes. Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for telling me to do something yesterday (and because it was our two-year recently! xx) and to lightlacedwithbeauty for reading this story. (Your reactions are hilarious.) Also many thanks to all of you for reading!_

_I'd like to state that the reason this story is rated M is mostly precautionary. So, it's like a "just in case" kind of thing, because I don't have everything planned out. Anyway, yeah. Enjoooy. :D_

* * *

_I can't cry in your arms cause you're not here  
It's not your fault and if it was I wouldn't care  
My heart is bigger than the distance in between us_

* * *

After Clary had driven away, Jace had spent hours talking with her, trying to distract her from the fact that she was gone, that she had left everything behind. He had tried to cheer her up, but it seemed impossible—from the moment she woke up from taking a nap, which he _knew _she took because she didn't want to cry, she seemed different. Distant. He knew that it would happen, but he didn't expect it to be like this.

It was more like him to shut her out, and not the other way around. Of course, he hadn't mentioned that to her then. It had to be hard, though it wasn't exactly easy for him either. But she was walking away, and that was obviously more difficult. So he put on a show for her—he was optimistic and tried to lift her up, even when she was so intent on falling.

It was seven hours after she had taken off that Clary announced that she could call. They had stopped in South Carolina to go to the bathrooms and buy more snacks. One of the reasons that Jocelyn had chosen to drive up to New York instead of take a flight was because she hoped to reason with Clary—at least, this was what she told Jace one of their last days in Fort Lauderdale. However, according to Clary, they wouldn't even look at each other. She was too mad to talk to her mother, which Jace understood, but she was too sad to talk to him, which she could feel.

When they stopped in South Carolina, Clary told him that she wanted to talk. Over the phone. He wasn't expecting this, obviously, but he had hoped for it.

"Hey, Clary," he said, picking up at the first ring. "Are you okay?" _Of course she isn't, you idiot. _

"I'm fine, babe. How are you?" He could feel her attempting to smile even though she was seven hours away. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Of course not. I'm okay. You know, just bored." He shuffled his feet and tried not to sigh. "What are you guys up to?"

"My mom's in the bathroom, and I'm trying to decide what to buy with the twenty bucks she gave me. Do you think she'll mind if I buy five packs of Swedish Fish?" Before he could reply, she said, "Ah, screw it. I'm buying the candy."

Despite himself, he smiled. She sounded so much like the lively, slightly rebellious and entertaining Clary that he was used to, and not like the sad, awkward, shy Clary that he'd been talking to all day.

"Buy some Sour Patch Kids, too. Oh, and some chocolate bars. And iced tea," he reminded her, remembering all of her favorite snacks with a smile.

"Those were the first things I picked out, obviously." She giggled, and stopped suddenly. "Oh, crap. My mom's marching over and she looks unhappy at the amounts of candy I'm holding. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Good luck facing Jocelyn's wrath. I love you," Jace said, missing the way her face would light up when he would state the obvious.

"I love you too," she said, hanging up. He wondered how it was going with Jocelyn, but then realized that Clary would probably guilt trip her mother into buying her even more candy than she'd originally picked out.

She could be slightly evil when she wanted to be.

There was a quick knock on Jace's door, followed by his mother's voice. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah. Hey, Mom." Jace smiled. "What's up?"

"Is she there yet?" Celine asked worriedly, crossing her arms over her chest and sitting on Jace's desk chair.

"She has ten hours to go," Jace told his mom, appreciating the fact that she cared so much about his girlfriend. Her mom was obviously concerned about what the move would mean for their relationship, and she had given him some advice that he wasn't willing to take.

Neither of them spoke about it again.

"How was it?" she asked, referring to their goodbye this morning.

"It was—you know," he said, uncomfortable with sharing that with his mother. It wasn't that he didn't want her to know—he did—but he also wanted to keep this to himself. He didn't wanna go back and think of how things turned out, of how sad Clary looked when she drove away.

Celine nodded, standing up. "Well, let me know when she gets there. And get some sleep tonight," she warned. She knew that he was going to worry about Clary, and that he would wanna talk her through the whole trip.

"No promises," he said, giving her his best smile. She rolled her eyes and walked away. Even though she was his mom, they were pretty close, mostly because his dad was usually harsh and she was the only one he could rely on. It didn't make her an angel or a fantastic mother, but it made her the better parent.

His phone beeped, announcing a new text message from Clary. _Save me from my mother, please. I beg of you. She's trying to make small talk and I can just see her bringing our sex life in…_

He smirked and replied with, _I wasn't aware that you two had a sex life together, Clary. I think we need to have a talk._

Her reply came a few seconds later. _You sound just like my mom. Seriously, save me from this xx_

Jace imagined her, confined in a car with Jocelyn and all of her good intentions, and felt sorry that Clary didn't want to talk to her mother. As much as she wanted her to be in good terms with her mom, mostly for her sake, he knew why it was so hard, and he didn't mention it.

_How can I help, babe?_

* * *

Clary's plan went like this: if she smiled enough at her phone, and if she seemed like she would rather be talking to Jace—which she obviously did—then her mother would stop trying to talk to her about her relationship and how it had advanced in the past couple of months.

Because Clary really, really didn't want her mom asking about her sex life, which was what she was going to get at eventually.

It worked, gladly. Jocelyn attempted to talk to Clary about Jace, mentioning repeatedly that he was a "great guy" for her and that she was "obviously going to miss him" and that she was "so, so sorry" for doing this to their relationship. When Clary muttered that she didn't want to talk about it, her mom then went on to ask how far the two had gotten.

"Mom!" Clary blushed, her face turning a deep shade of red.

"What? Clary, I am your mother, and as your mother, I have the right to ask these things. I wanna know how serious your relationship was—is," she said, correcting herself quickly enough.

"We…you know, did things. Mom, can we not talk about this?"

Jocelyn had let out a sigh and Clary had taken this as her opening to look at her phone intently, staring and smiling whenever Jace sent her a text with a wink at the end, or when it was clear that he missed her. This was going to kill her, being apart from him, but it could also make their relationship better. Stronger. If they could get through this, they could get through anything.

And they would obviously get through it.

_Has your mom stopped talking? _

Smiling, she replied. _Yeah. Thank you, babe. Don't know what I'd do without you :)_

_Oh, Clary Fray, how you use me. ;)_

His reply made her smile, and her mother said, "You're gonna break your face if you keep smiling," to which Clary rolled her eyes and didn't pay much attention to, for she was too busy replying to him.

He made her forget, and that was the one thing she needed.

To forget.

* * *

_The song at the beginning was "Proof" by Paramore. :) Let me know what you think about this chapter! x_


	7. Beside You

_Hey, guys! Sorry for the long wait to update. I've been sort of traveling and haven't really had time to sit down and write-until now. Thanks to lightlacedwithbeauty for making me get out of bed at three in the morning to finish this and for helping me choose the songs, and also to maxwaylandgrey, just 'cause. Thanks to all of you who read, favorite, follow, and review. I love you alllll. :) _

* * *

_She sleeps alone  
My heart wants to come home  
I wish I was, I wish I was  
Beside you_

* * *

Getting to New York City was, although relieving, not the best thing that had ever happened to Clary.

It was good for her because, well, sitting for hours in a car with her mother wasn't exactly her idea of a happy day. However, the closer she came to the city, the closer she came to realizing that this was really, really happening. She had held on to the hope of something happening that would change, that something would bring her back to Florida.

But nothing had.

They got an apartment instead of a house. Her mom explained to Clary on the way to their new home that, although they wanted to get a house, an apartment was much better for them, because it was cheaper, and they didn't need that much space, anyway.

When Clary exited the car that she had been stuck in for so long, she let out a breath of pure relief and sent Jace a message, letting him know that she had arrived. She had made a mental note to herself to leave out the word "home," because, as much as she loved New York and its many wonders, it wasn't her home anymore.

Clary took her bag out of the trunk and made her way up the stairs, following her mother, who was rummaging through her bag to find the keys to their new apartment. When she found them, they went up another floor until they stopped in front of a door, located somewhere in the middle of the third floor. Clary didn't get a good look at the number, because Luke opened the door before her mother could even attempt to do so herself.

"I'm so glad you're finally here," he said, giving Jocelyn a kiss in the lips and a wide smile. He looked at Clary and said, "Come on in. I wanna give you a tour of the place."

"It's an apartment," Clary said. "There isn't much to see."

"Clary," her mother warned, probably noticing that her daughter was not in the best mood. "It's fine, Luke."

He sighed. "I'm glad you girls made it safely. It's crazy out there, especially at this time. You should've stayed at a motel or something overnight." He sounded concerned, and Clary couldn't blame him. It was one in the morning, but her stubborn mother had decided that there was no way she was going to stay overnight in some place when she could just arrive a little late to their new house.

"Alright, well, I'm gonna go. Don't make too much noise," Clary said, knowing that the two, being newly wed, sometimes forgot that there was a third person in the house.

Jocelyn smiled. "I'm going to sleep as well, so don't worry."

"Okay," Clary said, walking past the entrance of their apartment and into the place itself.

It was bigger than she could've ever imagined-for an apartment, that is.

Some of the walls were a light, yellowish color, and the others remained white, meaning that Luke wasn't done with the apartment. To her right was the kitchen, which she couldn't see much of. In front of her was the living room, which had two couches, both covered in some sort of plastic, and a couple of chairs. On either side of the living room were two hallways.

The hallway she had stepped into was the one on the left, where there were three rooms: two bedrooms and a bathroom. One of the bedrooms had boxes with CLARY written on the sides; the other one looked like it was a guest room.

She assumed that her mom and Luke were staying on the other hallway. She opened her door, mustering up the energy to look around. Her room was smaller than the one in the house, but it would do.

Thankfully, Luke had set up the bed so that Clary could just crash the moment she got to her room.

After sending Jace a goodnight message, she did just that.

* * *

_I fell in love, in love with you suddenly_  
_Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms_

_I like where you sleep,_  
_When you sleep, next to me._

* * *

She was in New York.

Jace was glad that she had made it to the city safely, of course, but the fact that she was there, _really_ there, kind of sucked. He was stuck in Florida for the rest of the summer, trying to talk her parents into letting him visit his girlfriend for a while before school got started again. There were only six weeks until then. He had mentioned it to his mom before Clary moved, and Celine had just promised that she would talk to his father about it.

His father, though, could be a dick.

He let out a breath of relief as Clary's message got through to him. _Goodnight, babe. I'm safe and in my new bedroom. Talk to you tomorrow. Get some sleep! Love you :)_

He was happy because she was okay. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her in New York. She had to look at a house and a strange kitchen and strange halls and new pictures and new views from her room to the outside, and she had to realize that Florida wasn't her home anymore.

It was officially two in the morning, according to his clock, but he couldn't fall asleep. He kept thinking about how Clary was there and he was here, and he flipped the thought over and over in his head until he couldn't take standing still. He got up and paced around his room, which didn't help.

He decided that the best thing to do was to go to the kitchen and get something to eat, something to calm him down. He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. The lights were on, surprisingly.

The last thing Jace was expecting was to see his mother in the kitchen at two in the morning, but there she was, drinking some water and looking worn out. When she noticed him, she looked up and attempted to smile, but it looked broken, like it was a smile that wasn't a smile.

"I didn't know you were up," Celine said. "Is everything okay?"

Jace nodded. "Clary's in her new apartment. She's, uh, asleep. She sent me a message just now, but I couldn't fall asleep, so."

"Do you want something to eat?" She was up on her feet in no time.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart."

But she wasn't. He looked at her—_really _looked at her—and saw that she was tired. She looked tiny and fragile and like she could snap in half if you held her tightly enough. She gave him a half-smile.

"I'm glad Clary's okay," she said, taking out some cereal and milk for Jace. She placed everything in front of him. "It's crazy that Jocelyn decided to keep going instead of stopping at a hotel or something."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just happy Clary's safe and getting some sleep."

"I know you miss her, Jace," Celine said. "I know that you hate missing her when she's only been gone for less than a day, but that's okay. It's okay that you miss her, but don't let it get the best of you."

"I'm trying not to let it," he said, giving her a smile as he chewed on his cereal.

"Good." She gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight, Jace. Sleep tight. And if you need anything, I'm here, okay? I know things are hard right now."

"Thanks," he said, bidding her goodnight.

He stayed behind, chewing on his cereal and trying to understand why his mother looked so upset. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. Jace was used to seeing her mom as a person who was very together, who knew what she wanted and knew how to get it. To see this version of a person, an entirely different version of whom he thought he knew, was surprising. It wasn't the easiest thing, to see his mother trying not to fall apart, all for his sake. A very thin string held her together, and he didn't want to see it break—to see _her _break.

The more he tried to understand the kind of problems his mom could have that would make her so stressed, the more confused he got. He decided that, even though these problems could keep him up forever, he wanted to get some sleep. To be able to live someplace else, away from reality and closer to Clary.

That was all he wanted.

* * *

_The songs used are Beside You by 5 Seconds of Summer and Here In Your Arms by Hellogoodbye. :) Let me know what you think! xxx_


	8. Thunder

_Hey, guys! Sorry that I haven't updated in, uh, over a month. Two weeks before school started, I learned that I was moving, so...I've been dealing with that and starting a new school and organizing my stuff, so I haven't had lots of time for writing. HOWEVER, I do now, I hope. Anyway, thanks to the very fantastic lightlacedwithbeauty for beta'ing this chapter for me. :) And, to maxwaylandgrey: feel better! *hugs*  
Thanks to everyone who's read this story, and special thanks to everyone who's favorited/followed/reviewed. :)) Hope you like this chapter!_

* * *

_your voice was the soundtrack of my summer  
do you know you're unlike any other?  
you'll always be my thunder, and i said,  
your eyes are the brightest of all the colors  
i don't wanna ever love another  
you'll always be my thunder  
so bring on the rain  
and bring on the thunder_

* * *

Clary unpacked with the kind of slowness that drove her mother insane.

Although it was pleasing to see her mother grow so frustrated at her, it was not the reason why she took so long to open up her past and make it her present. That was just because she was unable to accept that this was her life now, and it consisted of a big, loud city, her mom and Luke, a new school, new friends, and no Jace.

Leaving a single person wasn't so difficult. Even though Clary was going to miss her friends deep in her heart, it didn't hurt so much to leave them when she compared it to leaving her life altogether.

She didn't think it would happen. She thought that, moving once, her life would stay still until college. Clary let herself like Florida. She let herself have friends and fall madly in love, and now she's back home, and it was the last place she wanted to be, even though she would have killed for a chance like this a couple of years ago. She would have killed for the liveliness and uniqueness and the feeling of New York, with its tall buildings and Times Square and Broadway and its unpredictability that could somehow be predicted by her at times.

But now, all she wanted was to take New York and rip it apart until the city bled and she got her way. And it wasn't that she didn't love the city, because she did. It was that she didn't love it enough to trade it for her life back in Florida. She wouldn't trade her life there for the world.

"I see you've finally unpacked," said Jace, looking at her room through her laptop's camera. He said it in a disappointed, kind of resigned way, unlike her mother, who had been thankful that her daughter had gotten her ass out of the bed and done something.

"I know," she replied in the same tone. "How are things with your mom?"

"She's been better ever since that night I told you about." His voice dropped. "I think something's going on though."

Clary readjusted her headphones and let out a sigh of frustration. She wanted to be there for him, especially now, when he was so confused and trying to help out his mom. "I feel so useless over here. Just-tell me what it is as soon as you find out, okay?"

"Of course," he said, flashing her a smile that didn't meet his eyes. "Have you gone out to see the city?"

"Nope," Clary said. "And I don't plan on it. I have summer work to do, and a boyfriend to talk to. And movies to watch."

"I love you," Jace said. Her heart was stuck in her throat, but she was undeniably happy. She smiled, because she couldn't get the words out, but he knew, because he smiled back.

_I love you, too._

* * *

It wasn't that he didn't like watching movies with her, because he did.

But the thing was, he had grown used to her. Not just her personality, but her presence. It didn't feel right, having her as an image on his computer when he used to have the real her, the one with crazy curls and soft green eyes, right by his side.

He enjoyed her commentary, and he loved watching her laugh more than anything in the world. She knew there was something wrong, just because she always did, but that didn't keep him from trying. He liked having her there—at least a part of her, anyway.

It wasn't the same without her. Things weren't quite as interesting, and landscapes weren't quite as breathtaking. He realized that she was the one that made everyday experiences feel extraordinary.

After they had finished watching the movies, they talked for about an hour, until Clary said that she was too tired to stay up. She loved him, she said, and he didn't doubt it. Not even a single bit.

"Jace, are you coming to pick your father up from the airport?" said his mother from the doorway. "You don't have to."

"Sure, I'll go," he said, because he didn't want to leave them alone. For some reason, he knew that his dad was part of why his mom was acting so weird.

"How's Clary?" She walked down the stairs by his side, picking up the keys to the house and car from the kitchen counter as they made their way out of the house.

"She finally finished unpacking," he said with a half-assed smile. It wasn't even a good answer, but it was enough for his mom to get the message.

"I'm glad she's settling in. When does she begin school?"

"In three weeks, I think." Jace buckled his seatbelt, automatically pulling out his phone to check if he had any messages.

"Around the same time as you, then," Celine said, trying to smile as if to make the conversation lighter. Her attempt at this, although greatly appreciated, was unsuccessful.

"Yeah." Silence followed, but it was more of a relieved silence. Neither of them knew what to say to each other. He wanted so badly to talk to her, ask her what was wrong, but he couldn't do it. Every time he tried, he was worried that she would lie, and then would try harder to keep things from him. He decided that it was better to just let things play out.

His mom lined up the car so that his dad could find them, which he did. He was all business, with his suit and briefcase and suitcase. He kissed Celine's cheek, and she smiled. Touched his shoulder. All that Jace noticed was that these were not affectionate gestures. They were more like a polite greeting, something that they had learned to do over the years.

"Hey, Dad," said Jace once his dad was inside the car. "How was Europe?"

"Busy," said Stephen, attempting to smile at the same time. It didn't reach his eyes, though, and it looked odd on his too-tight face. "How's Clary doing?"

It surprised Jace, and he couldn't help the shock from showing on his face. His dad was actually asking about Clary, and he didn't seem to have an ulterior motive, like he usually did. Stephen didn't seem to want to know the details in Jace's life, except when they interfered with his plans. So, needless to say, this was kind of a shock.

"She's okay, I guess. Bummed about moving, but she's all settled in."

"That's good to hear. Your mom and I have been talking," he said, "and we were planning to go visit New York for Thanksgiving. You could go see Clary, and your mom and I could go back to New York, since we haven't been back there in years."

The rush of happiness Jace felt when he received the news was unreal. He didn't realize how much he wanted to see Clary until the opportunity was right in front of him.

"Seriously?"

"You could sound happier," Celine said, teasing.

He rolled his eyes at her. "Thanks for considering it, guys. Let me know what you decide."

"Will do," Stephen said, and that was that.

Of course Jace was happy to see Clary again. But it was late, and he was tired, and he missed his girlfriend. He knew that he would have to say goodbye again, and he didn't know if he was ready for that.

He didn't know if he ever would be.

* * *

_The song at the beginning is "Thunder" by Boys Like Girls. :) Let me know what you think of this chapter! Thank you for reading xxx_


	9. Miserable At Best

_Hey, guys! Here's the next chapter. I'm hoping that updates will come quicker now, but I can't promise anything. :) Thanks to lightlacedwithbeauty for being the only reason I'm updating and not sleeping! Thanks to you guys for reviewing and reading and following and adding this story to your favorites! I hope you enjoy this chapter :))_

* * *

_'Cause nothing feels like home  
You're a thousand miles away  
And the hardest part of living is just  
Taking breaths to stay_

_("Miserable at Best" by Mayday Parade)_

* * *

There was no reason for them to fight, but that didn't stop Celine and Stephen from screaming their heads off while they thought Jace wouldn't be listening.

Ever since his dad had been back, all Jace would listen at night was his mother question him about where he'd been, and him waving her off, brushing off her complaints, calling her paranoid. He would listen intently as his parents had the same fight every night. His mother would call Stephen an unfaithful piece of crap, and he would call her an ungrateful, paranoid woman. He was surprised that he hadn't called Celine a bitch, because Jace always held his breath when it seemed like Stephen would break.

"Do we have to do this again?" Stephen's voice was slightly muffled by the walls and the distance from Jace's room to his parents' room.

"You don't think I'm tired of this crap?" Jace's mom let out a very loud, dramatic breath. "Look, Stephen, I'm not here to fight. I'm really not. All I'm asking is for you to be there with us right now! Jace is dealing with some of his own stuff, and I can't always be there for him, so I'd really appreciate it if you at least tried to make it home for dinner." She paused. "When was the last time you asked him how his day went?"

"Don't make this about Jace," his father replied with an outrage in his voice that felt different from the Stephen that Jace knew. His parents didn't fight with each other; they mostly fought with him. "We're the ones with problems, Celine! We haven't been the same in months, and you know it."

There was a pause. It felt like everyone held their breaths. Then, she said, "I don't know if I want to be with you anymore, and that scares the hell out of me, but it's the truth."

"I don't want to have this conversation, okay? I'm tired, and it's been a long day," Stephen said, and, after that, all Jace could hear was the sound of his parents moving around their room.

He couldn't let them know that he knew that they were having some serious issues. He could have told him, probably, but what good would that have done to him? Jace wasn't put off by the idea of them getting a divorce, but he wasn't dying for it to happen, either.

The only person he could talk to was too far away, but he tried to contact her anyway. _Hey, you. Are you up? _He pressed send, hoping she'd reply soon enough.

Five minutes later, as Jace was giving up, Clary replied. _Yeah, I'm up. :) What's going on?_

He knew he'd woken her up, but he had to get this off his chest. _My parents haven't stopped fighting since my dad got back, and it's really bad. As in, he's gonna completely snap unless she just never talks to him. They think I'm asleep, but…I can hear all of it, you know?_

He waited for her reply, but he didn't know if it would ever get there. Even though they were in the same time zone, Clary loved to sleep more than he did. Jace loved to sleep in once in a while, but he didn't feel the need to sleep as much as his girlfriend did. She was probably cursing him out for waking her up from whatever (probably wonderful) dream she was having, but he just didn't want to keep it in, because he wouldn't have had to do it before. He felt like it would always feel like she was just out of his reach, never there to comfort him, and that made the situation worse.

_God, Jace, I didn't know things had gotten this bad. Do you wanna talk on the phone? Skype?_

Although her efforts to communicate with him and help him made him feel better, he didn't want to make any noises. He let her know as much, and Clary said that she would call him first thing tomorrow, and that she loved him.

After she went back to bed, which he knew she'd done, because he knew her better than he knew himself, he began to wonder what would change if his parents got divorced. Would it affect him? Would it be a horrible thing? He didn't know what to think of his parents' problems, because they seemed pretty serious to him. Jace had gotten into many arguments with Clary, and they'd gotten angry at each other one too many times, but it never got as intense as what he just heard his parents say to each other, and what they always yelled at each other.

If that was what forever looked like, he didn't want it.

* * *

Clary didn't know what else to do.

When Jace told her that things in his house were bad, she didn't think they'd be bad enough to keep him awake. She didn't think they'd be bad enough for him to actually act nonchalant about it. Things were _bad, _a kind of bad that Clary had not seen on him yet, and exactly the kind of bad that she was hoping to avoid.

It was just past one in the afternoon on a rainy Saturday, and Jocelyn was making some lunch while Luke was at work. Clary welcomed the smell of food and let it guide her to the kitchen, where her mom was wearing a checkered apron.

"Good morning," Jocelyn said, rolling her eyes at her daughter and her habit of getting up way past normal time.

"Hey, Mom." Clary sat down on a high chair by the counter. "Can I ask you something?"

She turned around to face her daughter. "Sure, honey, what's wrong?"

"Can I go visit Jace next weekend?" Clary bit her lip, already knowing what her mother's answer would be, picturing her mother's head shaking, her expression one of disapproval.

"What makes next weekend so special, if I may ask?" She raised her eyebrows as she took off her apron, finally finished making lunch.

"Nothing, it's just—he was talking to me last night, and things aren't the best for him, so I just thought I'd visit and stay with him and help him through it a little better than I could from here."

"Well, how bad are things?" Jocelyn frowned, leaning against the counter.

"His parents are probably getting divorced." Clary let out a long sigh. She couldn't believe that those two would ever get divorced—they were basically inseparable.

"Stephen and Celine? I don't believe it," she said, her mouth slightly open to reveal the shock of the situation.

"So…can I go?" Clary asked tentatively, her eyes full of hope and pleading.

Her mother let out a sigh. "I'll talk it out with Luke and we'll see."

She let out a loud squeal and hugged her mother, giving her a kiss in the cheek while jumping up and down, still trying to contain her excitement—and clearly failing. "Thank you so much! I love you!"

"Yeah, yeah, just clean up your room and give me good grades."

She felt the giddiness coursing through her as she nodded, somehow not believing, even after her mother's confirmation, that she would probably get to see Jace in a week. It was the best she'd ever felt in weeks.

Clary pulled her phone out as she walked up the stairs. _Hey, you. I have news!_

His reply was fast and managed to make her smile even more than she already was. _News?! What kind of news? The kind of news that involve a Skype session with you shirtless? If so, I think I can be persuaded to be a part of it._

She bit back her laughter and began typing, her fingers sliding across her keyboard as fast as they could possibly go. _Don't be an ass, Wayland. How busy are you next weekend?_

* * *

_Let me know what you think! :) _


	10. Take Me Dancing

_Hi, guys! I'm so happy that I'm bringing this update to you a whole lot earlier than I thought I would be. Thank god for unexpectedly awesome inspiration! :))_

_Thank you so much to maxwaylandgrey for unknowingly helping me write the last bit of this chapter, and also to GabbyAlyssa for beta'ing this chapter for me! You two are awesome. *hugs*_

_Also, thank you so much to everyone who's reading, and special thanks to everyone who reviews/favorites/follows this story! Lots of love to you. :) You have no idea how much you make my life!_

* * *

_Give me thunder  
Give me lightning  
And I will give you every part of me  
Take me dancing  
Get me fucked up  
Play that old guitar and we will sing_

* * *

New York traffic was Clary's worst nightmare.

She hated having to sit in the back of her mother's car as Luke drove all of them to Florida in order for Clary to visit her boyfriend. It was about time that such a thing would happen, but they all concluded that, in order for the trip to work, she'd have to miss a half day of school. So, while everyone was working on trigonometry, she was well on her way to Jace.

She pictured how she'd greet him. She'd run over to him and he'd take her in his arms and, god, she missed him. She never really had time to miss him entirely; she could only miss him while she did work and wished for the day to be over, she missed him when she was in class and rain was making her sleepy. Clary usually had things to keep her busy, but now, stuck in the city because of traffic, she missed him more than she had in a very long time.

When she had told Jace that she'd be visiting him, he was surprised—in the very best way. They hadn't seen each other in weeks, and the thought of actually seeing each other, of being able to hold hands or kiss whenever they pleased, made them happier than anything. Clary didn't think that her mother understood how much this trip meant to her. Her mother knew how it felt to miss someone, that much Clary knew, but she didn't know how to miss someone who was close but far away.

She kept her headphones in, thinking of how Jace would be. She expected him to be a little bit broken, but hoped that she could help with that. Clary didn't think it would be easy, because she knew exactly what losing the bond between parents felt like. However, she did not know it in the same way Jace knew.

When her father passed away, she was only eight years old. She didn't fully understand the weight of what had happened to her father until later, and, when she did, there was nothing that anyone could do that would calm her down. Clary would cry herself to sleep at night and refused to come out of her room until someone—anyone—would bring her dad back.

It was Luke who told her that things would be okay. It was Luke who helped Jocelyn through their loss as well, promising to help her with the business and picking Clary up from school whenever her mom was too busy or too tired or too sad, which was most of the time. They got their life back together eventually, but it took more than they cared to admit—and with good reason, of course.

Because of that, she couldn't understand what Jace had been going through in the same way as he had to. She knew what it was like to see her mother crying her eyes out and holding on to a picture of her dad, placing it right where her heart should be as tears streamed down her face. She knew what it was like to wear black and talk to a grave because the real thing was gone.

And she didn't know if it was worse to see it happening and be ready to lose someone in a less permanent way or if losing someone altogether was easier and less painful. At least Jace didn't have to live without his parents.

Clary got it, though. Why he was so broken up about it. Even when she didn't quite grasp the thought of her dad being gone forever, her mother didn't seem right without him by her side, kissing her lips after coming home from a long day at work. It wasn't always happy, but watching her mother alone was like watching half of a folded picture and waiting for someone to unfold it so the second half would show without knowing that the second half was gone forever.

She was scared of not being enough to keep him together. Jace could fool everyone else with his careless attitude, but not her. She knew him too well. Clary knew that he was actually scared that his parents wouldn't be able to work things out, because he thought that maybe, just maybe, something in his life would stay the same and not change. After all, he had moved around for most of his life. He'd lived in England, California, Indiana, France, Finland, and Texas, moving from place to place before he got the chance to say goodbye. Florida was the only place that he'd lasted in—he'd been there for a good four years. It was his home.

And when Clary left, it was saying goodbye all over again, only he wasn't the one starting over and meeting new people. It was Clary who'd be doing these things, and she knew that it scared him to death that, when he thought things would stop changing, they changed, starting with her move and continuing with his parents' divorce.

Her phone's screen lit up, showing a new text from Jace. _How many more hours until I get to see you?_

The rain was falling hard that Thursday afternoon, she noticed. She wished that they lived closer so that she didn't have to miss a day and a half of school.

_Uh, about 14. Woohoo for living way too freakin' far away. We're stopping at a motel in six hours and then taking off really early tomorrow, so I might look like I've been run over by a bus :))_

She could imagine his chuckle and counted down the hours in her mind until she got to see him. His reply, as always, brought a smile to her face and only made her more anxious to see him. _I wish I could see you right now. And, also, it's better to look like you've gotten run over by a bus than getting run over by one, right? I miss you and don't care if you look like you haven't slept in years._

_You always know what to say, don't you? I miss you too, but you better look amazing when I get there._

_I ALWAYS look amazing,_ was his reply, which made her giggle as she typed back, listening to her music and letting the feeling of happiness sink in, hoping it would stay there a little while longer.

There wasn't a single thing he wanted in the world more than he wanted Clary to be next to him.

Instead, he was stuck in English class, listening to his teacher talk about poetry and people that found inspiration in their significant other. He really could not have cared less about these people. All he wanted was to be next to Clary, because, as far as he was concerned, she was the only girl that would ever come close to inspiring him. And it wasn't like he was going to write some bullshit about her being like a summer's day or whatever. She inspired him to be a better person, to be stronger—not to write a poem in order to declare his love for her in a very expectedly cheesy ways. Besides, his writing skills sucked, anyway.

"Now, let me ask you something, class," the teacher said, pacing back and forth and looking at every student in the class. "Who inspires you? Who do you see standing next to you when your dreams are coming true? Who's the one person you want there?"

His teacher wasn't looking for the answer to be a safe one, and Jace knew that. He could've easily said that he saw his mother with him every step of the way, but the only person he could see standing next to him, holding his hand and congratulating him and whispering "I love you" into his ear, was Clary.

"I know that you all think," the teacher said after the class had been given enough time to think about his questions, "that these poems are crap. That they're not worth anything. But the truth is that these writers were just as inspired as you are. They just didn't know in what other way to show it. If you'd have asked any of them the questions that I asked you, they would've told you to read their poems, because those are all about who they want next to them when they're on top of the world."

The bell rang just as Jace was contemplating to jump out of the window. Finally, he was out for the day, and it was finally the weekend. Clary was set to get to his place at four, and he got out at three. It took everything in him to not run home. He cursed the people who walked too damn slowly in the hallway, but, he thought, maybe time was only passing by this slowly for him.

Jace's phone lit up with a new text from Clary. _One more hour! I miss youuuuu!_

He felt himself smile as he typed back. _I miss you too, Clare. :(_

"Jace!"

The girl's high-pitched voice was easy to pick out, even as the hallways were flooded with people talking about their plans for the long weekend. She was basically skipping towards him when he turned around.

Kaelie.

Clary never did like her, since she always seemed to be missing some clothing in obvious places and she had absolutely no personality. Jace couldn't agree more, but, since his girlfriend left, Kaelie had made it her personal mission to seduce him and lure him into dating her.

Which, after all, was ridiculous.

However, she did not see it that way.

"Hey," he mumbled, trying his hardest not to look like he wanted to stab his eyes out.

"So," she said, "what're you doing this weekend?"

"Clary's coming to visit from New York, actually," Jace mentioned, finally reaching his locker. He opened it quickly, hoping that the conversation he was having would end in that same amount of time. However, he was not nearly as lucky.

"Is she now?" she said with fake excitement. "That's so cool! Well, if you two wanna stop by my place, you can. There's a party tomorrow if you're interested."

She handed him a piece of paper—a flyer—with the date and time of the party on it. "Thanks, Kaelie, we'll keep your party in mind," he said with the fakest smile he could conjure up.

Pleased with his answer, she skipped away, off to torture some other, poor guy. He shook his head and began walking towards his car, counting down the minutes until Clary was finally here.

After he got home, he spent the next hour and fourteen minutes wondering what he would do when Clary knocked on his door. Then, as soon as the fifteenth minute was going to pass, his doorbell rang, followed by a text from her that said: I'm here. He tried to hold himself back and not run to the door in obvious excitement, but he couldn't help it.

Jace was so, so happy that she'd be there, but nothing compared to the moment in which she opened that door, and he finally got to kiss her for the first time in weeks.

* * *

_The song in the beginning is "Take Me Dancing" by The Maine. I heard it for the first time tonight and strongly recommend that you do too. So, so good. I used it mostly because of the feeling of the music-it's kind of slow at the beginning, and then it picks up, sort of like telling you that everything will be okay. I love it. Thanks to maxwaylandgrey for the recommendation._

_Anyway! I hope you liked the chapter and would like to hear your thoughts! xxx_


	11. Everything

_Hi, guys! This chapter, which I thought was gonna be a nightmare to write, but it was (for the most part) surprisingly easy! Thanks so much to the lovely lightlacedwithbeauty for helping me out with this chapter, and to the lovely maxwaylandgrey for beta'ing. You're both awesome, but you already knew that. :)_

_Thanks to everyone who keeps reading and even more so to the people that leave reviews/favorite/follow the story! You make me happy. :) I hope you like this chapter! xo_

* * *

_Everything that I thought never would now is happening  
A brand new horizon is opening  
I'm hoping we Don't miss this moment  
You showed me how  
Life is worth living I have no doubt  
It's all about giving  
I'm reaching out  
Right here right now  
Don't you see?  
I'd give you everything_

_("Everything" by Rob Blackledge)_

* * *

"God, I've missed you," said Clary for the hundredth time, still not quite believing that she was in Jace's house, seventeen hours away from her own.

"And I," he said, giving her a kiss, "have missed you. Obviously."

"_Obviously_." Clary smirked at her boyfriend, feeling overwhelmingly happy. She wanted nothing more than for him to kiss her.

But she also really, really wanted to eat.

"Do you have any food?"

"Typical, Fray. You don't see your boyfriend in almost two months, and the first thing you do is raid his kitchen." He takes her by the hand and leads her into his kitchen. "We have whatever you want."

"Do you wanna make tacos?"

Jace frowned. "Since when do you like tacos?"

"I'm really craving tacos, Jace," Clary said with a serious face.

"Tacos it is, then." He shook his head at her. He'd missed her too much. Her face, and her soft, red curls, and her shy smile, and the way she fit perfectly in his arms.

"Do you even have taco shells?" she asked, seemingly worried.

Jace rummaged through the pantry until he found them. His father had wanted Mexican food last week, and Celine, who was tired of being yelled at by Stephen, made him the freaking tacos. She was unhappy the whole time, but Jace tried not to notice, and instead focused on the deliciousness of his mother's tacos.

"This is perfect," she said, kissing his lips unexpectedly. He wasn't complaining, of course; he loved having her lips against his, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her up so that their kisses could last longer. He loved kissing her, and there wasn't a single doubt that he could do it all day.

Jace pulled away. "Before you eat my beautiful face off," he said, grinning, "how many tacos do you want?"

"How many can you make, Herondale?"

"You're horrible," he said, taking out everything that they needed to make their tacos. Clary sat on the counter, watching him, her eyes roaming up and down his body, from his legs to his ass to his back to his perfect, golden hair. She kind of envied his hair, which was ridiculous, because, out of all the things she could envy, she envied his hair.

"Stop checking me out, Clary," Jace said, even though his voice suggested the exact opposite. _Please, keep checking me out. Check me out all you want. _She giggled.

"Seriously, I'm starving," she said, grabbing a cutting board and beginning to chop some tomatoes.

He looked at her. _Really _looked at her. She was focused, as if she was almost trying not to notice the way he was looking at her. There were a million things that he wanted to say to her. He'd made up so many different speeches about how much he loved her and how the time they had wasn't enough to make up for the time they didn't, and how he wished that he could drive those seventeen hours without having to face the wrath of everybody, because if there was something he wanted to do, it was see her face whenever he woke up.

Clary finally turned to face him, staring at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Jace walked up to her, placing the taco shells next to her. "Looking at you like what?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "It's a very intense look."

"I miss you, Clary," he said, finally letting himself say it. It was one thing to say that he'd missed her before, but it was another to say that he was missing her even as she was standing beside him.

"I'm right here, Jace," she said, propping herself up so she was sitting on the counter. She was facing him, finally somewhat closer to eye level, which was always a hard thing to achieve between the two of them. "I'm here."

The way he kissed her wasn't anything like he'd kissed her before. Not in July, when they didn't know when they would see each other again, when their urgency was driving them insane. Not half an hour ago, when the happiness he felt consumed him entirely, and he felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have a girl that would understand him the way she did. Not when they first kissed, when he felt like the world was finally something tangible, when happiness was something real and when falling in love became a possibility.

He kissed her now with a different kind of urgency. Jace missed her more than she could ever imagine. She was the one person who kept him going when things got too hard, when he felt like the only thing he has going for him was the fact that he was good with people, when he didn't think he was enough for anybody. Clary was always there to remind him that he was so much more than that.

Her hands were fisting his hair, tugging him closer to her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, begging for the space between them to be nonexistent, for them to be pressed against each other. He cupped her face in his hands and brought her closer to him, wanting for there to be no distance in between them. He wanted to make her his.

They had only really done this a handful of times, because he was Clary's first boyfriend, and rushing things seemed like a way for their relationship to fail. When she finally told him that she was ready, he made sure that things were special. At around the fourth time, though, things were more casual. Now, with the new tension and urgency between them, she just wanted it to happen. Wherever they were, and whenever it was that she had these thoughts.

He carried her upstairs to his room as she giggled. She was nervous and ecstatic and obviously turned on, and, when he tugged at her shirt, it took her a while to get it off. He laid her down, leaving a trail of kisses from the space between her breasts down to where her pants covered her skin. He tugged at her sweatpants' drawstrings and slid them off with ease. He peppered butterfly kisses up her stomach, stopping just shy of her breasts. Jace slipped a finger under her bra, and and felt the skin underneath. His fingers slid to the back and Clary's body automatically arched up to give him access. He unclasped her bra, and she tugged at Jace's shirt, begging for it to come off, for there to be more skin-to-skin contact. Slowly, they began peeling off pieces of clothing, forming a pile on his bedroom floor.

Jace cradled Clary's waist between his legs. He trailed his hands down her body and gripped them tightly at her hips. A small moan elicited from Clary's mouth, giving him the encouragement he needed to slip himself inside her. Jace looked at Clary. He looked at the way she stared up at him with adoration. As if he was the only person she loved in the world. Her cheeks were flushed, and her red curls were all over the place. She looked the most beautiful he had seen her in a long time.

He kissed her gently on the lips before lowering himself inside her. He groaned quietly as he pushed himself in and out of her, both of them reveling in the bliss of being with each other.

Jace loved Clary more than he could show her, even though he tried. He filled her with kisses and touched her where she wanted to be touched, and she told him that he was the best thing that she had, and he believed her. He trusted her when she said that she loved him, and when she told him that she never wanted him to stop.

She was scared, though. Having sex with Jace may have distracted her from the fact that this was only temporary, that she would have to return to New York in approximately twenty-four hours, but now, as she laid beside him, with his arms wrapped around her, she was scared.

He stirred next to her, opening his eyes slowly. She didn't even bother pretending that she was asleep. "Hey, you," said Jace, wearing a lazy smile.

"Hi," she said, turning around so the two were facing each other. "Did you sleep well?"

He nodded, yawning. She giggled at his response, planting a kiss on his cheek. "Do you wanna keep sleeping?"

Jace shook his head. "I wanna spend some time with my beautiful girlfriend before she leaves."

Clary smiled, biting her lip. "That can be arranged." She sat up, positioning herself on his lap. "As long as we finish those tacos."

They stayed up all night watching movies, both knowing that they could sleep later on. They wanted to spend as much time together as they could before they had to go their separate ways.

Jace wondered if this was going to get any easier. If missing her would hurt less. If, maybe, the fact that she was here would help him realize that her love for him wasn't going away.

He hated the fact that he couldn't wake up with her lying next to him every day. When he did, a few hours before they started watching their first movie, it felt like he was really, truly happy, a feeling he hadn't experienced in a couple of months. He wanted more than anything for his girlfriend to come back. He wanted to watch silly movies with her and make tacos and kiss in the dark and have lazy sex and talk all night long.

"A penny for your thoughts," said Clary, and he noticed that she was looking at him with curiosity. He was lost in his own mind, and that scared her sometimes. She'd told him as much a long time ago.

"I don't wanna miss you." He tried to smile for her. He tried to make it seem like the thoughts that ran through his mind, sometimes too fast to grasp all at once, didn't make him feel like he was being punched in the stomach, like he was gasping for air.

"I miss you like hell, Jace, but it'll be over soon." She rested her head against his shoulder and grabbed his hand. "You know I love you, right?"

"I might need some reminding," he said teasingly, and she slapped his hand.

"Jerk," she mumbled as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Seriously, though," he said as he began playing with her hair. She smiled against his shoulder. "I just wish I could be with you more."

"So do I," Clary said, lifting her head and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "But, hey, I'm here now."

Jace nodded, then yawned. The clock said it was just past four in the morning. In a couple of hours, the sun would rise. He wanted to watch it with her—you know, to be romantic and all that—but he was too tired to function. He didn't even want to think about what would happen after she left the next day—or, well, later that day. He had to go on with his life—do homework, ignore Kaelie's desperate messages, make sure his girlfriend got home okay.

Clary patted her lap. "Come here," she said, letting him lie down and rest his head on her lap. She ran her hands through his soft, golden hair. "Get some sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up."

* * *

_Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think. :)_


	12. Painting Flowers

_Hi, guys! Hope you're havin' a nice day. Just popping in to post this chapter and tell you that I love you a whole lot and you're the bestest for reading this story and any of my other stories, and thank you so much for leaving any reviews/adding this story to your favorites/following it! I love you._

_Thanks a bunch to lightlacedwithbeauty for encouraging me to post this and reading it over once more before I did so. Very glad you did! Also, thank you to my lovely beta, GabbyAlyssa! She's having surgery this coming week, so if you could all send positive thoughts her way, that'd be awesome! :)_

_Also, I've been seeing lots of hate on this website in the past week, mostly in two of my favorite stories that do not deserve the kind of hatred they've been getting, especially when the hatred isn't directed towards the story itself, but towards the authors. This hasn't happened to me (thank God!), but I would just like to remind someone that, if you don't have any constructive criticism, then any words that are lesser than kind are not welcome and should not be said, and this applies to ANY stories that you might be reading. If you're going to criticize a story, do so! But please do keep in mind that the person on the other side has feelings! So don't go insulting them/their story for no reason. :)_

_Sorry for the long A/N! Hope you like this chapter xx_

* * *

_When I wake up,  
The dream isn't done,  
I wanna see your face and know I've made it home.  
If nothing is true,  
What more can I do?  
I am still painting flowers for you._

_"Painting Flowers" by All Time Low_

* * *

Clary finished applying lipstick, inwards cursing herself for letting her new friend, Isabelle Lightwood, talk her into going to a Halloween party.

Isabelle grinned at her. "You look awesome!" Her expression was full of the enthusiasm Clary couldn't muster. She was lonely and had been missing Jace more than ever. _God_, she thought to herself as she tried to wear her best smile, _how did even weeks go by so fast and slow at the same time?_

"Now you just look sad," said Isabelle, letting out a long sigh. Clary knew that Izzy wanted to understand her, since she'd told her just as much, but, due to the fact that she'd never actually had a real boyfriend before, she lacked the ability to do so. "Clary, he's okay. He'd want you to have fun."

"It's not that easy, Iz."

"Why not?"

"Because, God, I miss him. It's like...imagine the person you love the most. Picture having them around to be there as you go through really hard stuff. To hold you when you're sad or scared or just for the pleasure of it." When Izzy told her friend that she'd picturing it, Clary continued. "Now picture it gone. Gone for six long weeks of school and starting over and endless nights of worrying about them because you can't simply go check up on them."

"Clary, that sucks, but you see him sometimes," Izzy reminded her. "And yeah, I've never met your beloved boyfriend, and you and I aren't that close yet, but we're young! Have a little fun."

"I know he'd want me to. Parties were his thing," she said, going back to when she'd first brought up the Halloween party that this guy called Raphael Santiago was throwing.

"Baby, I think you should go."

Clary had let out a long sigh after hearing the words she'd desperately prayed he wouldn't say. "I just always pictured going to this kind of thing with you," she said, biting her bottom lip as she looked for costumes online, like Izzy had asked.

"Clary, you'll be fine. It's just a party. If you want, you can call me when you start hating it."

She'd smiled at that. "Will do. I'm still just considering it, but I'll keep your thoughts in mind."

"Good," he said. "I'm glad you're making more friends."

"You're still my favorite," she reminded him.

"Of course I am."

She'd rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Jace."

"For what?" he asked.

"For being so okay with me doing this," Clary said. "If I do it, that is. Just…thanks."

He'd chuckled at that. "I just want you to be happy and have fun, even when you're without me."

After she was sure that he was fine with her going to the party, she'd notified Izzy, whose excitement died down when Clary told her that, despite her boyfriend's approval and encouragement, she was still just considering attending.

It didn't take much to convince Clary, not after Jace had told her that he'd be okay with her having fun, even when he wasn't spending her first party with her. Izzy had costume and makeup plans before her friend grew comfortable with the idea of attending the party. From there on, Clary was sort of forced to feel great about it and to have positive thoughts in her mind.

"Don't you think this is too much?" Clary raised both her eyebrows at Isabelle, who stood in front of her, admiring her work.

"It's perfect," she said with a dazed smile. "You look gorgeous. Here, let's take a picture."

The flash went off and, after the photo was taking and Izzy was happy, Clary's friend went off to the kitchen to get a drink. Clary admired herself in front of the mirror, not daring to admit to herself that the tightly-fitted outfit made her look like the kind of person that she wasn't.

She wore a dress that looked like a tight, oversized shirt to her. It barely reached her thighs, and she kept pulling it down. It looked like a blue jumper with two yellow buttons right below her boob and a red shirt underneath, only it was a dress. She wore white thigh-high socks and painfully high red heels that were at least four inches tall. The whole thing was killing her, but she had to admit, she looked sexier than she ever had.

She arrived at the party at half past eight, with Isabelle constantly reminding her how to walk and stand. Clary hated her heels and felt too exposed wearing the costume her friend picked out for her, but she decided to go with it. _Too late to back out, _she thought.

The place was full of people, most of which were holding red cups and either throwing up (to the left of the house, in a corner), making out/dry humping (on the floor or against walls in various places surrounding the house, and probably on the inside as well), dancing (everywhere), or simply talking (though these were few and unlikely to be seen unless one looked close enough). The two girls walked past people wearing all kinds of costumes, from a slutty nurse to a vampire to a Barbie to a character from a famous movie. They were all busy doing their own thing.

The door was open, so the two let themselves in. "Okay," shouted Izzy over the sound of the music and the chatter of the people. "So, we'll split up and meet back here in an hour. If you need me, text me." She winked and, before Clary could protest, walked off, probably to find her next victim.

Clary cursed at Izzy in her mind for the billionth time since they'd met as she walked around tentatively, observing people and what everyone was doing. Most people were dancing, bodies pressed against each other, and the tension in the air was almost tangible. The people who weren't dancing were taking someone else's hand and leading them to an upstairs room, or were simply observers who looked at the scenes uncomfortably.

She figured that locking herself up was a good idea, but she didn't wanna risk walking in on people upstairs. Outside, the cold air of New York hit her hard. Clary had left her jacket in the car, and her dress was so short, it could've been considered underwear. She pulled out her phone, and, as she shivered, she typed with shaky hands.

_Jace, are you busy?_

* * *

She sounded scared.

After he'd received her text, Jace had told her to call him, to go somewhere quiet. He knew what could happen in parties—he'd seen the way alcohol and other substances affected people's judgments. And Clary was not the kind of girl who had the physical strength to get herself out of that kind of situation.

"Jace," she said as soon as he'd picked up. She didn't sound like she'd been crying or freaking out.

"What's wrong, Clary?"

She let out a long, audible sigh and waited before she replied to his question. "This is just scary and weird, that's all. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that I'm bored and Izzy's off somewhere and I don't wanna be here right now."

He felt himself smile as her words sank in. She was okay. Well, not the way she saw it, but the way he did…he felt too relieved to answer for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, Clary," Jace said, toying with his sweatpants' strings. "If you want, I could talk to you until you find her."

Clary asked hesitantly, "Aren't you busy, though?"

"Homework can wait forty-five minutes."

"You're doing homework on a Friday night?" He could feel her trying to keep from laughing.

"I could ask you the same thing about being at a party," he replied, smirking. "My homework is due tomorrow morning via email, if you must know."

"Well," she said, seeming pleased, "I'm glad you're being so responsible and stuff."

"Only because I don't have anything else to do."

"Like what?"

"You," he replied with a wide grin on his face.

"Jace Herondale," Clary said, and he could picture her playful smile, "are you flirting with me?"

"Well, that depends," he told her. "Is it working?"

"Always," she replied, and he could feel her actually smiling. He missed her too much sometimes. Part of the reason he was always doing something, whether it was homework or studying or watching movies or practicing or going out or talking to his mom, was because he was constantly trying not to think about her. He didn't want to think about her smile or her hands tugging at his hair or the way she kissed him and how he fell even more in her that weekend in September.

"Are you there, Jace?" Her voice brought him back to October, back to phone talks and long Skype sessions and whispers of missing each other.

"I'm fine, baby."

"Well, I think I see Izzy, so I'm gonna go. I'll text you, okay?"

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too, Herondale."

* * *

_Let me know what you think! x_


	13. Fall To Pieces

_Hey, guys! So...I haven't updated in a while. Heh. Sorry 'bout that. Thanks to TheMusicThatIWrite and videogamenerd101 for beta'ing this chapter! xo_

_Thank you to lightlacedwithbeauty for keeping me awake long enough to post it, and to maxwaylandgrey just 'cause I always thank her for everything, so. Thanks to all of you who read/review/follow/favorite this story! I love you a lot. :)_

_Hope you like the chapter!_

* * *

_And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just wanna sit and stare at you  
I don't wanna talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just wanna cry in front of you_

_I don't wanna talk about it_  
_'Cause I'm in love with you_

_"Fall To Pieces" by Avril Lavigne_

* * *

Autumn leaves fell off the trees and landed gracefully on the ground. Clary walked on top of them, the leaves crunching as her boots came in contact with them. She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, hoping that she would make it to the subway station before she froze to death.

The station was packed with anxious, angry, stressed-out people who wanted to get the hell out of there. The trains took too long, the seconds ticked by too fast, and Clary felt like she was going to have a panic attack if she didn't get out of there and to school within five minutes. She'd woken up too late, taken too long to get ready (thank the weather and having to wear layers of clothing to keep warm), even longer to eat, and, because of the cold wind slapping her face and making her feel like she would get frostbite if she stayed out too long, took an eternity to walk to the station.

When she finally boarded the train that took her to school, she pulled out her phone and sent Jace a text. _Good morning, youuuu. :) :) _

He'd sent her a good-morning text earlier, but she was too late to reply to it. He replied soon enough. _How are you, baby? _

_Good. Ready for today to be over! Are you ready for today? _She knew he was dreading that day. His parents had their first court meeting to settle things for the divorce. Jace, sadly, had to be present, and Clary was beyond upset that she couldn't be there for him. She was late due to the fact that she stayed up until two in the morning talking to him, reassuring him as she did her homework, which she hadn't started until late.

_Not really. I know it's gonna be ugly. But that doesn't matter. I get to see you soon. :) _

At first, he was set to go to New York with his parents. He'd told her as much. But then, after his parents decided to get a divorce, they had just asked Jace if he could stay with Clary for Thanksgiving break. Jocelyn and Luke, familiar with Jace's family's situation, happily agreed. He was supposed to arrive that Saturday at four in the afternoon, the day after his parents' appointment.

_I'm so excited to see you, babe! I have to go, but good luck today. Text me when you're out. I love you! _

She didn't have time to read his reply, because the train had arrived at her stop. She pushed through the people blocking the entrance and, thankfully, got out in time.

The cold air hit Clary too fast, and all she wanted was to go back to her house and get back under her warm bedsheets. She wanted to sleep all day and fast-forward to the next day at four p.m., when she would finally see Jace for the first time in two and a half months.

Class after class, Clary couldn't concentrate. She kept picturing scenarios and doodling in her notebook and writing song lyrics all over and hoping that nothing would go wrong. From the moment Jace's parents had agreed to get a divorce, he'd been acting weird. Sadder. Touchier. He was more distant, and that worried her.

She knew that he looked up to his parents. They were to him what Jocelyn and Luke were to her. They were the only ones he looked up to, the only ones in his family with a passable marriage that seemed good enough until things went to shit and they decided to get a divorce.

He was scared.

Clary knew he was scared. Terrified, even. Jace wouldn't admit that to her, not even if he wanted to. He was too scared of everything—of her not loving him, of her loving him, of him not being enough, of him being _too _much. It drove her insane.

From the beginning, she knew he'd be scared. Of what, she didn't quite know until later, when they got to know each other and went out on multiple dates and kissed more than enough times. That was when she knew that he'd fallen off his bike when he was seven and he now hated bikes. That was when she knew that his mom's sister had died when she was really young, and that his aunt lived far away and loved having him over.

And that was when she found out that he'd never really fallen in love. Not even an innocent kind of love, like the kind you experience when you're seven and looking at someone in a different way for the first time. Not even the stupid kind of love you experience when you're in middle school and you find someone and think they're the one, so you obsess over them and it takes you forever to stop staying up and doodling his or her name in your notebook and it takes you even longer to realize that he or she is not the one. Not at all.

Jace had never been in love with anything, or even with the idea of anything. She had found out after two months of being his girlfriend and almost three of going out with him. He'd looked at her and he was scared but he told her anyway, and she'd kissed him because she still loved him anyway.

"It doesn't matter," Clary had said. "As long as you aren't screwing with me."

He'd told her he wasn't, and, for the first time, he'd meant it. Every girl he took out was only going out with him because he wanted to hook up with her. He didn't know why he was like that, but he just was.

Then he met Clary. Clary, who didn't care about his perfect hair and gorgeous eyes and hot body and chill attitude. Clary, who didn't give a crap that he'd hooked up with half of the girls in school. Clary, who was too smart to get with a guy who cared about one thing and wouldn't stop until he got it.

And he proved her wrong.

Jace was more than she thought he was. He was smart, and kind, and supportive, and he never put himself first. He was just waiting for the right person to show that to, because he knew far too well that people get screwed over too much, and he didn't want to be one of them, obviously.

Throughout the day, she worried about him. She worried that, after seeing a marriage he'd been looking up to for so long go to shit, he wouldn't trust her with his heart anymore.

Jace finally got a break from hearing his parents scream each other's heads off at noon.

It came way too late, when he was considering stabbing his eyes out, or when he thought his ears would bleed, or when he thought that storming out of the room seemed like the better option.

Maybe it was the fact that Stephen was never around, or the fact that his memory failed him sometimes, or the fact that he was mostly out too late, but he never remembered his parents arguing this much. They went from a loving, polite couple to people that couldn't even look at each other in a matter of weeks.

He sent Clary a text as soon as he walked out the door, feeling like he'd been holding his breath the entire time. _Hey, baby. Please tell me you're free right now. _

Jace knew it was unlikely that she wouldn't be in class or busy doing something, but he hoped that she'd be able to listen, just for a while. He hated having her away, out of his reach. He needed her too much, and it took her too long to get comfortable with that, with the idea of needing someone to make him feel better—or even okay.

_I'm having lunch, but we can talk over the phone for a couple of minutes. Call me. :)_

He let out a relieved sigh and dialed her number, hoping that it wouldn't be too late, even though only seconds had passed since he got the message.

"Jace?"

"Clary." He said her name like a sigh.

She sounded worried when she spoke. _"_Are you okay? What's going on?"

"We're taking a twenty-minute break or whatever. Clary, they're driving me crazy." He let out a long sigh and paced back and forth outside. "I don't know how the hell I'm gonna get through this."

_"_Don't say that," she said. "God, Jace, do not say that. It's only four more hours and then you're done. You'll be here tomorrow."

"It seems like a really long time to me." He leaned against a wall. "They keep screaming at each other like I'm not even there. I just want to know why I'm here, you know? Why do I have to stay here and look at my parents fight more than they do at home?"

"Because this whole thing just sucks, Jace." Clary let out a sigh. "It sucks so much and I wish more than anything that you were here instead of there, dealing with all that shit that you don't need to deal with. You have to remember that this isn't your issue. This is their fight, not yours."

"They're making it my fight, though."

"Don't let them."

"How am I supposed to do that?" He sounded scared, and he hated himself for it. "I'm at a court hearing, Clary. And this isn't the yelling they do at home or when they're arguing where to go to get dinner or whatever. They look like they want to kill each other."

_"I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like for you," she said, and he knew that she was trying to sympathize. "Baby, I have to go. I'm so, so sorry. Call me when it's over, okay?" _

"It's okay. I'll call you."

"I love you, Jace."

"Love you, too."

After the call ended, he stepped back inside, getting ready for yet another painful session with his parents.

His flight got in early.

She didn't think it would actually happen, but his flight landed half an hour early after having an early departure in Miami. Thank _God_ that Clary had asked her mom to get there half an hour earlier just in case anything happened.

Jace called her as soon as he landed, thirty minutes before he was supposed to. _"Hey, baby,"_ he'd said.

"Jace?" she'd asked, confused. According to her mom's phone, it was three twenty-six p.m.

_"My flight got in early. Are you here yet?" _

"Yep. Just got here," Clary said, smiling, trying not to seem too excited. "Where are you?" To Jocelyn, she mouthed, _Jace is here. _

"Where?" Jocelyn asked.

_"I'm gonna be right where we planned to meet last night. See you in a bit,"_ he said, and promptly hung up, probably because he had to go get his suitcase.

"He's where we were set to meet later," Clary informed her mother.

When they arrived, they pulled over so it would be easier for Jace to get his suitcase in the car. Nearly ten minutes later, he stepped outside, spotting Clary and Jocelyn immediately. She bit her lip as he came closer, stepping out of the car and walking over to him.

He looked just like she remembered, with his golden hair and golden eyes and strong hands that held her when she went in for a hug. He hugged her tightly, scared of letting go. She knew that this was exactly what he needed. She felt horrible for him, and she just wanted more than anything for him to be okay. For him to stay here and away from everything that was going on in Florida.

Jace kissed Clary lightly, their lips barely touching. "Hey, you," he said, smiling. "I've missed you."

"And I've missed you," she said, reaching for his hand. "We'll talk when we're alone, okay?"

"Okay." He nodded, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so glad I'm here, but it's freezing."

"Tell me about it," Clary said, rolling her eyes. "Also, you're meeting Isabelle later. And Simon."

"Good to know. Make sure they know how stunning I am before we meet."

"I'll let them know you said hi," she said as they both climbed inside the car.

"So, Jace," Jocelyn said, "how's everything? How have you been?"

"I'm okay, thanks. How about you?" One of the things that had surprised Clary when she and Jace first started going out was how polite he was with her mom. They got along fairly well, and she trusted him more than Clary ever expected her mom to.

"Oh, you know. Clary's been waiting for today anxiously," Jocelyn said, smiling. "It's good to see you."

"You too," he said, smiling politely.

Clary and Jace sat quietly in the back, her head resting on his shoulder as they listened to music while holding hands. Some people didn't really like holding hands while sitting down, but, to them, in that moment, it felt necessary. They hadn't seen each other in so long and he wanted to get so many things off his chest, and they had to stay still because her mother was right in front of them, so they held hands and listened to music and waited to get home.

They walked right into Clary's bedroom and shut the door. Jocelyn didn't have the heart to tell them to keep the door open, because she knew that they had some things to discuss in private, and she trusted the two of them most of the time. Clary was glad, because Jace was about to break.

"Talk to me," she said as they sat on the bed, propping herself up and making herself comfortable against the soft pillows.

He shut his eyes and shook his head, resting his head on her stomach as she ran her hands through his hair. "They're driving me crazy. I just don't understand how they can be so selfish and not get that having me in the middle of this isn't helping anyone, you know? I just want them to stop fighting and get on with their lives, divorced or not."

"What did they say?" she asked in a whisper, half-hoping he wouldn't hear.

"They let it all out," he replied, and the pain in his voice broke her heart. "They said that they hated each other and my mom said that her depression was all his fault and, God, I was going to die, Clary. I was really going to die if I stayed one more hour there."

"I'm so sorry, baby." She let her hand trail down to his chest, where he took it in his and kissed it. "I wish I could be there for you more, because I know how much this hurts you, even if you'll only just say that what bothers you is their attitude towards each other."

Jace was looking up at her. "Clary—"

"I know what you're scared of, Jace," she whispered, her heart aching, "but you're never going to be like them. You aren't like them now, and you never will be."

* * *

_Let me know what you think! :) _


	14. 6 Months

_Hi, all! It feels like I haven't updated in ages, even though it's just been, like, a week. Anyway, thanks to the awesome videogamenerd101 for beta'ing! Also, thanks to lightlacedwithbeauty (for the word wars which lead to me finishing chapter) and to maxwaylandgrey for being awesome. Love you ladies. xo_

_I hope you enjoy this chapter! I know it's short, but the next one will be up within the next couple of days (I think. Maybe. Depends on LLWB). Thank you for reading/reviewing/favoriting/following this story! :)_

* * *

_Everything you say  
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight  
But I'm okay  
And I can't think of anybody else  
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you_

_Months going strong now, and no goodbye_  
_Unconditional, unoriginal_  
_Always by my side_  
_Meant to be together_  
_Meant for no one but each other_  
_You love me, I love you harder so_

("6 Months" by Hey Monday)

* * *

Saying goodbye this time wasn't the same as it always was.

Clary held Jace's hand as they walked through the streets of New York, knowing that the next day she'd be walking the same streets, but her hand would no longer be touching his, and he'd be far, far away. She knew that this picture was a one-time thing and she wanted to make the best of it, but Jace had been awfully quiet and reserved the whole week, and she didn't know what to do.

After he'd arrived at New York, she'd told him over and over again that he was not his dad and he was not his mom and he was not going to make the same mistakes they made, and she'd kissed him softly, light kisses in hidden places, and told him that she wanted him to be who he'd always been, whether his parents' situation changed or not. He was the one who could decide how things were going to be, Clary told him, and he had smiled, but his eyes did not light up as they should have.

Jace had started to return the kisses the next morning. His good morning message came at six a.m. as a feathery kiss on her shoulder, followed by a light smile and an apology, which she gladly accepted. Their lips met for the first time in twenty-four hours, and their hands explored their bodies, relearning each other, because it had been two long months and sometimes people forget how curves feel when you're desperate for them.

Even after that morning and the mornings that followed, Jace's eyes were missing something, a light that not even Clary could conjure up. She didn't want to feel disappointed and told herself that he just needed some time, but they didn't have much of it, and she just wanted to see him smile before he left. A real smile. Just once.

"Jace," Clary said as they approached her apartment, "have you heard from your parents?"

"My mom called to check up on me, yeah," he replied, seemingly uninterested with where their conversation was going. She understood that this wasn't what he wanted to talk about, but she had to bring it up.

"Are you ever going to be okay with what's happening?" She left his side and stood in front of him, her eyes meeting his.

Jace let out a long sigh. He looked especially uncharacteristic, wearing layers with his nose a pink color because of the cold. "Not right now. I need them to be okay with it first, you know?"

She didn't know. Clary wanted to know so, so badly, but she didn't know, and she didn't have time to ask him more about it, because Isabelle was about to arrive with Simon, and she had to get inside with Jace so that they could change into more comfortable clothes. So, instead of shaking her head and asking him with her eyes the questions that she couldn't say out loud, she nodded, took his hand, and led him upstairs, up to her apartment and up to the warmth and away from the cold.

After they'd taken off their layers of clothing and each had a long-sleeved shirt and some jeans on, they plopped down on the sofa and closed their eyes, letting their exhaustion catch up to them. They'd been walking all day, talking and laughing and eating and observing people walking about while they tried to make sense of their own problems.

Clary's phone rang as soon as she felt herself drifting off to sleep. "Hello?" she answered groggily.

"Please tell me you didn't forget about us coming over, Clarissa Adele Fray," a voice said, and it took Clary a second to realize that it was Isabelle. Shit.

"I didn't! Are you here?"

"Almost. We'll be there in less than five. See you then!" With that, her friend hung up, leaving Clary still very tired and slightly confused over what had just happened.

She heard the knocking way too soon, grabbed Jace's hand, and pulled him up, even though he made a face that gave away that he'd much rather lie down all day with her than meet her friends. They were tired and wanted to spend time alone, but Clary's friends had been very clear. They wanted to meet Jace.

"Damn, Clary," said Izzy, fully checking Jace out, "you have taste."

He smirked as Clary rolled her eyes and let Izzy in, with Simon trailing behind her. "How was your date, guys?" Clary asked her two friends, shutting the door.

"He bought me shoes," Izzy said with a wide smile and dreamy eyes.

Simon rolled his eyes. "They were on sale."

"They were not."

Clary giggled and told them to pick a movie while she took Jace into the kitchen to make some popcorn. "They're always like that."

"How long have they been together?"

"A month."

"They're interesting," he told her. "I'm not buying you any shoes, though."

She smacked his arm. "Shut up, Herondale."

They decided to watch_ Scream_, apparently, which Clary knew was a decision made by Isabelle and accepted by Simon once his girlfriend had promised him something worth watching the movie for. It was one of his favorites—he'd made Clary watch it plenty of times when they were in middle school—but he knew how to get things working for him. Obviously. He was dating Isabelle, after all.

"I love this movie," said Isabelle with a sigh once the credits started rolling, letting out a content sigh. "We have to go, though." She patted Simon's thigh and stood up all at once.

"We're still on for tomorrow night, right?" Clary asked her friend.

"Definitely." Izzy winked, taking Simon's hand and her bags from the floor. "Go have some sexy times with this one. If you won't, then I will."

"Izzy!"

"Okay, we're leaving," said Simon, rolling his eyes. "Bye, guys."

They didn't even have time to properly say goodbye, because, before Isabelle could open her mouth to spit out another inappropriate comment, Simon was already taking her out the door and into the busy streets.

Clary let out a yawn. "I'm tired."

Jace kissed her cheek. "Do you wanna go to bed?"

She nodded. "What'd you think of Isabelle's shameless flirting?" They walked into her bedroom.

"She's great, but not my type. I'm more into redheads with green eyes and freckles and who are way too short for their own good."

"I hate you."

"Goodnight, baby."

"We cannot be late!" Clary said for the billionth time as she riffled through her things to find her mother's car keys, which everyone had been searching for all morning. "Where the crap are they?"

Jace knew he couldn't calm her down. No way. She'd been stressed ever since they woke up an hour late. His flight left at three, and it was already twelve, and this was New York. He still wasn't packed up, and they hadn't had breakfast, and it was all making Clary more than a little insane.

"They're not in the bedroom," said Jocelyn. "I'll call Luke."

"Okay," Clary said, looking for the keys everywhere she could think of. "God!"

"We could take the subway."

"I'd rather take the car, Jace."

"Whatever you say," he said, shaking his head and going back into her bedroom. She was sometimes nearly impossible to handle, but he loved her anyway. She freaked out over the smallest of things, and that left him not knowing what to do sometimes. He just gave her space when she was moody, figuring it was what she needed, though he wanted to go right up to her and comfort her when she had these breakdowns.

At one in the afternoon, when they'd been close to giving up, Luke told them that he'd accidentally taken the keys. Jocelyn went to meet up with him two blocks away while Clary and Jace finished getting ready. He was still half-scared to talk to her, and definitely scared of them leaving things on a bad note.

"You okay?" he asked her.

"Fine," she said, picking at her food. "Just not feeling it today."

"How can I help?"

She looked at him. "Stay."

"I can't stay."

"I know."

She hated goodbyes.

Goodbyes meant tears at one a.m. and heartache and missing a part of yourself for a really long time. Goodbyes meant having to let go, and Clary was not good at letting go.

She told herself it was only for a little while, though that was a lie. She didn't know when she'd see him again, and that was what hurt her the most.

Before they left the house, even though neither of them were in the mood, he gave her a kiss that consumed her and made her want more than she could ever get. She loved him, and she knew that nothing could change that. In moments like that one, she was scared of loving him too much, of every kiss meaning more for her than it did for him.

And, for once, Clary didn't care.

When Jace kissed her, it felt like magic and happiness and everything that she missed when he was away, and everything she wanted to keep when she had him around. She kissed him back forcefully and passionately, giving him her heart in the form of kisses between smiles and giggles when they touched. When Jocelyn opened the door to the apartment, the two sprang apart, gathered their stuff, and walked downstairs.

On their way to the airport, they held hands, listening to music to cover up the silence and anticipation. She didn't want him to leave—ever. She wanted him to say right by her side, but she knew that he couldn't. Jace had things to take care of and a house and a broken family to deal with, and Clary wanted to be with him to make things easier, but she couldn't be. It was a harsh reality that the two were learning to accept, but, as they made their way to the airport, as the final goodbye approached, all they wanted was for reality to change.

"I love you," he said as he got out of the car, gathered his stuff, and started walking in.

"I love you too," she said, standing on her tiptoes and kissing him, and pulling him down to kiss him lightly several times after.

"Baby, I have to go."

"I know."

"I'll call you when I land."

"You better."

He gave her one last kiss and walked away, leaving her staring at his back as he entered the airport and left New York—left her.

* * *

_In case you haven't noticed, the titles of my chapters are all about the songs I choose to be in the chapter and not actually related to what happens in the chapter. The fact that they've been apart for almost six months is just a coincidence. :P_

_Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think :) xo_


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